Getting out of event at an old plantation
Q: You get invited to an event on an old slave plantation. You feel uncomfortable and aren’t going. Should you tell the host the real reason?
A: It’s so easy to wiggle out of an uncomfortable situation, but responses like “I have another engagement that day” are neither truthful nor ethical.
Why lie? Are you afraid you’ll miss future invitations from this person or that this person will think less of you? Do you think this person will be embarrassed if you tell the truth?
If the truth is that you are horrified at the thought of entering an old slave plantation, be honest without causing an affront to the host. Respond genuinely, keep it short and end on a pleasant note.
Suggested responses:
1. “No, thank you. Knowing the history of slavery makes visiting an old plantation not for me. Enjoy, and keep in touch afterward.”
2. “A slave plantation? I’ll pass. Thank you for thinking of me, though.”
Never compromise your values or ethics. You’ll be amazed how it feels to clear the cobwebs of obligations.
— Sharon A. Hill, diversity and etiquette expert
A: Given the historical significance of plantations in America, it’s understandable that you find the venue off-putting. Considering plans are underway, it’s best to decline without explaining beyond regrets.
If a response card comes with the invitation, include a handwritten note saying, “Thank you for your invitation. Regretfully, I’m unable to attend the event. Sending best wishes for its success, and hope we can get together for dinner soon.”
Sharing your reason for not attending, without being asked, will surely upset your host and likely damage your relationship. — Erika Preval, founder of Charm Etiquette