Is he a worthy rival to her phone?

I am a 57-year-old man dating a 49-year-old woman. We’ve been together for over a year. She is beautiful, smart, sexy and tons of fun. However, she never puts her phone down.

No matter what we are doing, she is texting and answering texts from her teenage children. This goes on no matter how serious or inconsequential the issue. She will sit in a dark movie theater and text her son about where his shoes are, or answer questions that could definitely wait until she isn’t busy.

Her reply is that she has three kids and has to be available to them always, no matter what. She literally has rolled over in bed, grabbed her phone and answered questions about family birthdays, etc.

To make it even more complicated, she plays online games and thinks nothing of whipping out her phone in a nice restaurant as I sit there so humiliated while waitresses look at me with pity.

She says I am old-fashioned and that this is normal behavior. Is it?

Let’s grant your gal her obsession with her teenage kids’ shoes. If she is an involved mom and not at home because she is with you, then I’d say yes, she should get a pass to communicate with them, even though she seems to do so to a ridiculous degree. (But no texting in the movie theater, Mom!)

Now, why is she playing Candy Crush at the dinner table? Do you confront her about her rudeness? And if not, why not?

You are a fellow adult. You have feelings. You don’t like being ignored, discounted and then told that your feelings are less important than her online gaming or that you are “old-fashioned” because you don’t like being ignored. Frankly, she doesn’t seem that into you. If she were, she would be paying more attention to you when she was physically with you.

Enjoy this relationship for what it is, while it lasts. I hope ultimately you will choose to be with someone who makes you feel wanted, important and worth it.

This seems petty, and it’s a little embarrassing, but every afternoon I go to my public library to pick out books, do a little work and just in general enjoy the atmosphere. This library is lovely and historic. I’ve been visiting it my entire life.

Lately there is a group of children who come to the library after school (and sometimes on weekends). They seem like nice enough kids, but they are given access to a (monitored) computer, and they play a game that has verbal prompts and various noises. Amy, it is like nails on a blackboard. I literally cannot stand it.

I don’t want to discourage these kids from coming to the library, but is there anything I can do?

All of our libraries are changing as they transition from being silent places where the books stood sentry to being places that are more like community centers. I applaud these changes, even though I know it’s a tough adjustment (I’m writing this column in my own local library).

A library is the perfect place for kids to gather, and I hope you will keep this in mind as you cope with the annoyance.

Ask your librarian if there are designated quiet times or quiet spaces where silence will rule. Bring along some headphones to wear. With noise-canceling headphones, you will only hear the sound of your own breath. This might be a game-changer for you.

I was very moved by the letter from “Hurt and Sad,” who was upset when friends didn’t extend condolences after her father’s death.

I want you to know that this particular line really got to me: “Showing up as a witness to someone else’s loss is a vital expression of our own humanity.”

I’ve cut it out and put it in my wallet. Thank you.

I wrote that line, and yet even I need to remember that doing the hard work of “witnessing” is profound and important.

No one ever knows what to say or do after a loss. And so starting with “I don’t really know what to say” is both honest and acceptable.