What the (BLEEP) just happened?
It’s the end of the week and, like most humans who still believe 2 + 2 = 4, I’m asking: What the (BLEEP) just happened?
Who needs a functioning democracy?!? Attorney General William Barr went before the Senate Judiciary Committee last week and effectively reassured Americans that doing a crime is not really a big deal after all, as long as the person doing it is the president of the United States or, perhaps, an attorney general named William Barr.
While that may sound odd coming from the nation’s top law enforcement official, under the Trump administration it’s just called “Wednesday.”
Barr testified that if a president is being investigated and believes the investigation is unfounded, “the president does not have to sit there constitutionally and allow it to run its course. The president could terminate the proceeding and it would not be a corrupt intent because he was being falsely accused.” Neat!
Barr also told senators he didn’t lie when he testified before Congress in April and said he was unaware that special counsel Robert Mueller’s team was frustrated about a four-page memo Barr released that (inaccurately) summarized the Mueller report’s findings. That was an interesting defense, given that Mueller sent Barr a letter in March saying he was frustrated with the memo because it misrepresented the report and sowed confusion.
Again, Barr’s obvious April lie before Congress — which should technically be a crime — now falls under the new Department of Justice “crimes are no big deal” policy.
Enhancing the image of an administration that considers itself above the law, Barr also refused to give House lawmakers a subpoenaed copy of the unredacted Mueller report and refused to show up to a Democratled House Judiciary Committee hearing Thursday.
Oh, well! A functioning democracy was probably a foolish idea anyway. And now everyone gets a free “Make America Great Again” hat and a picture of Beloved Supreme Ruler Donald Trump to hang in their living room.
Jussie Smollett case continues to be super weird: The case of “Empire” actor Jussie Smollett remains a real headacheinducer.
He made up the hate crime, according to the police superintendent. But then why did State’s Attorney Kim Foxx drop all the charges against him? Does Smollett still claim the hate crime occurred? If it did, which it probably didn’t, shouldn’t we care about that somehow? And why does everything in the world have to be so stupid right now?
A Thursday hearing did nothing to knock the weirdness out of the whole affair. The hearing was over retired state appellate Judge Sheila O’Brien’s request for a special prosecutor to look at how Foxx handled the Smollett case.
Out of nowhere, O’Brien filed paperwork saying Cook County Judge LeRoy Martin Jr. should recuse himself because his son works as a prosecutor for the state’s attorney’s office.
O’Brien said to the judge: “You’re going to decide whether the state’s attorney, your son’s boss, is telling the truth. Your son’s career is tied to the potential witness’ career.” (Whoever is writing this script needs to dial it down a notch. It’s just not believable.) Martin postponed the hearing until this week, saying he needed some time to think it over. My guess is he also needed some headache medicine.
It rained — a lot: The week’s seemingly nonstop rainfall was a boon for the Chicago area’s flagging ark-building industry. For everyone else, it was a cold, wet nightmare.
Scooters are coming to Chicago! Also, watch out for scooters: In its ongoing quest to find unique ways to kill tourists and commuters, the city of Chicago outlined its new electric scooter-sharing program Wednesday.
The pilot program, according to a story by my colleague Mary Wisniewski, will put shareable electric scooters “in a large section of the Northwest, Southwest and West sides, including such diverse neighborhoods as Austin, Avondale, Pilsen and South Lawndale, but leaving out the Loop and communities along the lakefront.”
An electric scooter is effectively a skateboard with an upright handlebar and an electric motor. Speeds will be limited to 15 mph, assuming you’re not struck by a moving vehicle that propels you into the air, over the “L” tracks and onto a nearby building. A fleet of motorized skateboards in a big city, helmets optional. What could possibly go wrong?
Facebook gives nut-ball extremists an angryface emoji: After years of allowing hate-spewing extremists and nut-clucking conspiracy theorists like Alex Jones, Louis Farrakhan and Milo Yiannopoulos a platform to peddle their toxic brain vomit, Facebook finally kicked those three and others off its site.
The company announced Thursday it had permanently banned a batch of far-right and anti-Semitic figures from Facebook and Instagram, saying they violated the company’s ban against hate and violence. Prior to this, the company ban against hate and violence seemed to oddly exclude high-profile people who preach hate and violence, so this was a welcome step forward.
Also banned are Paul Nehlen, Paul Joseph Watson, Laura Loomer and Jones’ insidious conspiracy site Infowars. If you’ve never heard of any of these people, consider yourself lucky, as their sum contribution to society has been to make it measurably worse.
With these nasty characters banned, Facebook and Instagram can return to being caring and productive social media sites where people go to tell their friends and loved ones how wrong they are about everything.
Thumbs up!