Trumps cry about impeachment, insult Thunberg and shoot a sheep
Sing it with me, folks: “… three Fox fools, two lying Trumps and impeachment in our country!” I love the holidays, even though this past week has me looking back and asking: “What the (BLEEP) just happened?”
Wholesome Trump family mocks a teen, shoots an endangered sheep: President Donald Trump and his family proved this week that they won’t let a looming impeachment distract them from doing appalling things.
While Democratic leaders in the U.S. House prepared and debated articles of impeachment, Trump used his copious free time to attack a teenager on Twitter.
After 16-year-old Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg was named Time magazine’s Person of the Year, our dignified commander-in-oaf tweeted: “So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill!”
HAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE HE’S AN UNPOPULAR WORLD LEADER AND IS ABOUT TO BE ONLY THE THIRD PRESIDENT IMPEACHED BY THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES AND SHE’S A WIDELY RESPECTED TEENAGER DEVOTED TO MAKING THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE!
Thunberg, a fifth of Trump’s age yet 5,000 times wiser, responded by updating her Twitter bio to read: “A teenager working on her anger management problem. Currently chilling and watching a good old fashioned movie with a friend.”
Savage.
It’s of course worth noting that only a week ago, the Trump family and the full right-wing-outrage choir were howling mad because a witness in the impeachment hearings used a pun involving Trump’s teenage son’s name to make a point about the powers of the presidency.
First lady Melania Trump tweetharumphed: “A minor child deserves privacy and should be kept out of politics.”
Yes, unless that minor child is named Time’s Person of the Year and your husband is jealous because people actually respect her.
Not to be outdone by his father, Donald Trump Jr. made headlines as we learned he may have recently received special treatment from the Mongolian government that allowed him to shoot an endangered sheep.
That’s right. A sheep. And not just any sheep, but an argali, which is one of the largest kinds of sheep on the planet. Don Jr., aka Captain Bravehunter, shot a large, endangered Mongolian sheep, at night, using a rifle with a laser sight.
Pickin’ on teens and killin’ sheep. All in all, a very on-brand week for the Trumps.
Harvey Weinstein nears settlement that will never be enough: Former Hollywood producer and massive dirtbag Harvey Weinstein is apparently nearing a $25 million settlement that would end almost all the sexual misconduct lawsuits brought against him.
Chicago-based attorney Elizabeth Fegan said nearly 30 former Weinstein employees and actresses, who have accused him of everything from rape to sexual misconduct, have agreed to the deal.
Some attorneys criticized the proposed agreement, saying it forces some victims to settle. Louisette Geiss, a plaintiff in a Manhattan federal court class-action lawsuit, praised the settlement and called it “a wake-up call for all companies that they will be held accountable if they protect predators in their midst.”
Based on the sheer number of victims and the mountains of evidence against Weinstein, I would’ve been in favor of a much larger financial settlement and an agreement that Weinstein be “jettisoned to the moon.” Sadly, no one asked for my opinion.
Housing advocates stand up — here’s hoping Chicago listens: There’s a woeful lack of affordable housing in Chicago, so it was good to see advocates from nearly 40 groups meet with city leaders to push legislation that might address the problem.
They came together Wednesday to talk about reforming the city’s Affordable Requirements Ordinance, which in theory requires developers who get city support to provide units for low-income residents or pay a fee to help with subsidies.
The advocates want a new ordinance that does away with the fee option, making it mandatory for builders to include units accessible to lower-income people and to build more of those units in upscale and gentrifying neighborhoods.
This issue demands more attention. I hope the City Council and Mayor Lori Lightfoot take what housing advocates are suggesting seriously and work to level the playing field.
Tribune columnist remains strangely beloved: The Insult-AColumnist Holiday Food Drive, which gives readers a chance to express their love or hate for me while helping the Greater Chicago Food Depository, is chugging along nicely, with more than $35,000 already raised.
But I remain flummoxed by the unbalanced results. The RexRocks team is outpacing the RexStinks team by an embarrassing margin, with pro-me folks giving more than $33,000 and anti-me people chipping in a shade under $1,500. Even I don’t like me that much.
Remember, if the RexStinks team wins, I get ice water dumped on my darn, fool head outdoors in January while wearing an “I’M A MORON” T-shirt. And it will all be videotaped and promoted online.
Who wouldn’t jump at that opportunity? C’mon, haters. Let me have it right here: http://myfooddrive.org/ #InsultRex.
Lincoln Park Zoo lions get sweet new digs, but … The lions at the Lincoln Park Zoo will be getting a $15 million upgrade to their lion hangout, including a food-delivery zip line and ample space.
Zoo CEO Kevin Bell said it will be “a much better habitat for the animals,” and I think that’s fabulous. I’ve always been a big fan of lions, and I’m not just saying that in case I one day accidentally ride the zip line into the new habitat.
My only problem is with the name. The new facility will be called Pepper Family Wildlife Center, after donors Richard and Roxelyn Pepper. My gratitude to them, but couldn’t they have gone with something like: “LION LAND: HOME OF THE ROOOAAARRRRR” or “PEPPER’S HOUSE OF FELINE FEROCITY”?
Maybe, “THE PEPPER FAMILY’S EXTREME SANCTUARY OF LION AWESOMENESS.”
I don’t mean to seem ungrateful. I just think lions deserve a little pizazz.