Police on Father’s Day: ‘Cops can’t say a thing’
As anti-police protests continue amid seething politics in the aftermath of police killings in Minneapolis and Atlanta, as violence in many urban areas continues to spike, almost everyone is having their say.
Except for police families. They feel under siege. The other day on social media I asked them if they wanted to talk.
There were hundreds of responses. Not one defended the killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis. They condemned it. But there were so many stories, I couldn’t possibly include them all. Many police departments — including Chicago’s — prohibit cops from talking on the record to reporters. So I will not identify those who responded, but I will let them tell their stories.
Dan is married to a Chicago police officer. They’ve been married more than 15 years and she works out of a North Side district. They have two little boys.
“Sunday is Father’s Day for me, but my wife is a Chicago police officer,” said Dan. “She’s been a cop for almost 20 years. What I see is the stress on her when she comes home. And the boys ask me, ‘When’s mom coming home?’ They’re worried. I know this. If she grabs lunch, people yell (F-you) at her. That’s what it’s like.
“The boys miss their mom. In their mind, she’s a hero. It’s difficult to explain racial injustice to children. But they hear what people say about police. Just weeks ago, people loved cops, during COVID-19. Now they’re hated. It’s been a real whiplash for everybody.
“Most Father’s Days, I’d want to go golf and drink beer. But she’s working 12-hour shifts. What do I want for Father’s Day? I want my wife to sleep and be with us and get rid of the stress.”
The next story comes from a veteran female Chicago police officer with 20 years on the job. Her husband is also a Chicago police officer. They have two children. Her father was a cop. Her brother is a cop. Her uncle and aunt are retired cops.
“You wonder how far you’ll go to make an arrest now,” she told me. “People don’t want to lose their jobs and pensions. Do we wake up every day wondering who we’re going to kill? No. We want to treat all people with respect and get home safely. The kids text me (when she’s at work), ‘Mom, how are you? Are you safe?’ Do I tell them the truth? No.
“Society hates us now, but we still do our job. This is weird, but with all the political hate in the media, it’s been good for morale. Yeah, really. It’s crazy. But everybody’s checking on each other now. We’re a family now, all races, all creeds in the department. And not everybody hates us. Neighbors bring food to the district. You still see some kindness out there. It’s beautiful when you see it. It breaks your heart.”
Then there was this from the wife of a Chicago police sergeant on the West Side. They have two teenage children. They’ve been married 20 years.
“I’d just love for him to be home on Father’s Day, so I could cook him dinner, so he could be with us. That’s what I want. It won’t happen. He’s working. When he comes home and falls asleep, he’s so tense that his body twitches for an hour or two. I’m there next to him and see his body twitching and it breaks my heart … To see your husband having nightmares …
“Our kids are afraid. They’re proud of their dad but they see the graffiti, ‘Kill all cops,’ and all that. They see how easy it is for people to hate. We’ve been out together as a family, and if he sees someone he’s arrested, we have a code, and I get the kids out of there. Think of that, having to disappear with your kids when you’re at a restaurant with your family. It’s the job. He’s good at it. He’s a great leader. I know this. Everybody has something to say, but cops can’t say a thing. It gets to you.”
Finally, I heard from a woman whose husband is a veteran Chicago police officer who patrols in an extremely active district. They have two children.
“This is the worst thing we’ve ever gone through, and we’ve been married 20 years. You will struggle to find anyone who hates guns more than me. For the very first time in our 20 years, he left one at home if I needed it. I hated the suggestion, but we went through the routine, what to do if something happens, what room to take the kids.
“Some friends avoid us. We’re not friends anymore. They don’t understand. Even if you’re the worst of the worst, my husband will help you because that’s his job. He doesn’t run. You get to run and hide behind your signs and slogans. But where are you when he’s out there with dead bodies, when another child is hit with a gang bullet? We’re all making people into ‘the other’ now.
“But over the past few weeks, I’ve been stunned by the silence of some people. And humbled by people who I didn’t think were a big presence in our lives, saying, ‘I know your husband is a police officer, do you need anything?’ All police families have breaking hearts, and most people can’t even hear us.”
Listen to “The Chicago Way” podcast with John Kass and Jeff Carlin — at www.wgnradio.com/category/wgn-plus/thechicagoway.