Golden Moutza of October: There can only be one

Nothing is more disgusting and moutza-worthy than John Goodman’s creepy disembodied head on a fingertip in that cheesy TV gambling commercial, or candy corn on Halloween.

Unless it’s Jeffrey Toobin, the liberal CNN legal analyst and writer for The New Yorker who violated journalistic norms— all norms— andwas suspended after his notorious Zoom call with colleagues.

And to think Toobin’s work was once mentioned by Meryl Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada,” when she portrayed aworld-famous fashion editor running a glitzy magazine in an old-fashioned, non-Zoom editorial meeting.

“Also, I’m pulling that Toobin piece on the Supreme Court women,” Streep’s character says.

Speaking of fashion, what about the short, curvy person wearing a mask and a skintight cat suit, complete with a tail, who I sawin line when we went to vote early in Chicago Fridaymorning.

“Check out the tail,” I told Betty aswe stood at the front of the line, like eager voting nerds. “That deserves a pre-vote moutza.”

“No! Don’t!” she hissed through her mask. “They’ll know you.”

They might. But masks are quite useful when you’re on adventure in the woke world.

Now, at the keyboard, I’m maskless and completely calm and apolitical because, well, it’s Golden Moutza of the Month time.

“I gotta go with Giuliani,” says Anthony Kefalas, a Canadian.

Wait just a minute, Anthony. I haven’t even typed the boilerplate, explaining that the moutza, the noble and ancient hand signal of disgust, was invented by the Greeks and how readers findme on social media to nominate their idiotic candidates.

Open your palm with fingers spread, point them at some idiot and say “Nah” (here) or “Fees ah etho” (blow on it.).

“This month is YUGE with nominations,” says Jodee Warwick, noting that October’s horde of moutza-worthy morons stretches beyond the horizon. “We might need moutza categories.”

Among them are Big Tech giants Twitter and Facebook for censoring news about Joe Biden that the company executives don’t like.

Also, those idiotically woke University of Wisconsin at Madison students who voted to get rid of a statue of Abraham Lincoln, who freed the slaves. Their resolution said the Lincoln statue must go because it serves as “remnants of this school’s history of white supremacy.”

Didn’t Lincoln sign the Emancipation Proclamation? Woke students? Nah! What of those stupid plastic igloos for “COVID safe” outdoor dining in Chicago winters? Or the two Florida men who robbed a store but left their wallets with their driver’s licenses behind? And what about Illinois politicians?

Oh, and Toobin. “Somany choices!” writes Michelin star chef Carrie Nahabedian, owner of the restaurant Brindille. “Toobin for sure, followed by those stupid (igloo) domes.”

Reader Brandon Gorte, who has seen themovie “Highlander,” reminds us there cannot be multiple winners of the October Golden Moutza.

“So many potential moutzas this month, but like ‘Highlander,’ there can be only one!” Bingo.

“George Renninger, the inventor of ‘Chicken Feed,’ which became that horrid, disgusting mung called candy corn,” says noted Chicago foodie Peter Bella. “NAH!”

I hate candy corn too.

But Peggy Meskin Zabicki admonished me for hating:

“Don’t ruin this holiday for everyone. We like to stand around the candy corn tree and sing corn carols. We exchange candy corn gifts. It’s all about the joy of giving candy corn.”

Jeff Schwartz nominated Mayor Lori Lightfoot for wanting to use traffic cameras to issue fines to drivers going 6 mph over the speed limit.

“Being a retired cop after 27 years, Iwould have never even stopped anyone going that speed over the limit,” Schwartz says. “Mayor Lightfoot, a big NAH to you.”

Afew nominated our beloved Chicago White Sox for bringing back 76-year-old Tony La Russa as manager.

“The game has moved on,” says Matthew Latourette. “Find someone else. NAH!!!”

But I’m good with it if La Russa grows back his mullet. At least he’s not running for president. If he collapses in August, maybe Kamala Harris can be manager. Won’t that be safer for everyone?

Chelsea Handler, the liberal activist, comedian and Joe Biden supporter, was nominated by many for race-shaming her exboyfriend, rapper 50 Cent, because he suggested that he’s worried about a Biden tax increase and might vote for President Donald Trump.

“I had to remind him that he was a Black person, so he can’t vote for Donald Trump,” Chandler said on “The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon.”

We could leave those interpretations to Biden, who told a radio host in May: “Well I tell you what, if you have a problem figuring out whether you’re for me or Trump, then you ain’t Black.”

Did Joe talk to the hand after that one?

And of course, Toobin. “If Toobin’s Zoom malfunction doesn’t win, I’m cancelling my subscription!” says Ann MacIntosh Baker, who also brought up the John Goodman commercial.

“That said, nah to the self-pleasuring creep-a-zoid Jeffrey Toobin. Please spare your colleagues and keep your hands above the table.”

Many readers used a vulgar Greek word that literally means to make soft by overuse. But I loathe vulgarity in newspapers. And since everybody is now changing word definitions to suit them, I’m changing that Greek word forever to “Toobin.”

As in, “Don’t be such a (bleepin’) Toobin.”

Jeffrey Toobin, for being the Toobin you are, you win the Golden Moutza of the Month. You’re disgusting.

Nah.