Scotch and wine may lead to problem
DearAmy: Iama 70-year-old retired man.
I amcontent and keep myself very active.
I do have one concern however: Each afternoon at around 5 p.m., when I’m ready to sit down and enjoy my newspaper, I treat myself to two Scotch and waters. Then when I have my dinner, I typically drink two glasses ofwine.
After dinner I have either bottledwater or a cup of hot tea.
I’m concerned aboutmy drinking. AmI an alcoholic?
— Concerned
DearConcerned: Let’s agree that you have a drinking problem. Why label your habitual drinking a “problem”? Because you are concerned enough to ask about it.
The newer term for alcoholism is “alcohol use disorder,” and it is defined as a physical or mental dependence on alcohol, even when consuming it causes physical or relationship problems, makes you feel ill, and impairs functioning.
Have friends or family members remarked on your drinking? Dopeople knownot to call you after 8 p.m. because you are impaired? Are youmissing social or other opportunities because of your routine?
One obviousway to address your concerns is to cut down. You could cut your consumption in half by substituting flavored seltzer for one cocktail and one glass ofwine.
Anewer tradition in the UKhas caught on inNorth America: Dry January. This is where you start the year abstaining fromalcohol for the whole month. Abstaining for a period of time helps people to gauge the amount of alcohol they habitually drink, and can lead tomore awareness and healthier habits the rest of the year.
DearAmy: I’m a doctor. I amon the front lines treatingCOVID-19 patients. I havewatched the cycle of fear, sadness and guilt when I tell a patient they have tested positive. Then again, watching the family go through their cycle of denial, anger and sadness as I give themthe phone call that their loved one is indeed dying.
I knowI’m not the only providerwho has experienced this, or the first time you are probably hearing this story.
I amin a long-distance relationship with someone not in medicine. Since the beginning of this pandemic, we knew that because of our jobs, traveling to see one another would be limited. I have spent hours on the phone with him telling him about scenes at the hospital. He hasgrievedwithmeat the state of ourworld.
We have aweek to see each other over Thanksgiving. Hewould like to see his family, which I support. But he is adamant that he will notwear a mask during the visit. After seeing somany patients with similar stories of exposure after a family gathering, I feel like I can’t participate.
I’m so disappointed in his choice not to practice public health guidance. I knowI shouldn’t, but it’s hard not to take it personally, when he knows what I’ve been going through as a physician.
I knowwe are all struggling right nowtomake decisions on what feels both good and safewhen it comes to seeing our families for the holidays. But I cannot help but be heartbroken when the simple measure ofwearing amask seems preposterous.
— Dr. Hope
DearDr. Hope: I amalso heartbroken in solidarity with you and your fellow first-responders, and with the scores of families for whomthe holiday season will not be a time of celebration, but of grieving for their loss.
This is a brief moment in our history. It seems selfish, aswell as shortsighted, for people to refuse to take commonsense measures to protect themselves and others.
Given your situation, I can understandwhy you are taking this personally. I assume that you are tested frequently, but it is a given that your potential exposure also places your friend and his family at some risk, making his choice seem even more foolhardy.
DearAmy: Thank you for advocating for families to save and archive old letters fromfamily members. Soon enough, the current generationwon’t have muchaccess to written material. Email and Facebookmessages justwon’t translate theway paperborne messages do.
— Fan of Letters
DearFan: Many of us have taken up pen and paper during the pandemic; it’s a small bright spot during a tough time.
Copyright 2020 by Amy Dickinson