Awesome: Food drive raises more than $261K
I regret to inform theworld that I am, according to the dictates of the free market, awesome.
That statement is not one I make comfortably. I’m much more fluent in the parlance of self loathing.
But faced with the results of the third annual Insult-A-Columnist Holiday Food Drive, I have little choice. You can’t fight hard data or quantifiable truths.
Arecord number of kind and generous humans fromthroughout the Chicago area participated in the drive and donated money to the Greater Chicago Food Depository under eitherTeamRexRocks orTeamRexStinks. Those truly remarkable donors raised… are you ready for this?… an eye-popping total of $261,435.45.
I’m no math genius, but that sounds likemore than a quartermillion dollars.
Since officials at the Food Depository rang up the grand total and shared it with me, I’ve spent every moment either fainting or pickingmy jawup fromthe floor.
That number more than doubles the total of any of our previous holiday food drives. It equates to nearly a million pounds of food the Food Depository will be able to provide to the hundreds of pantries, shelters and soup kitchens it helps stock in Chicago and the surrounding suburbs.
As to the aforementioned awesomeness, the RexRocks team clobbered the RexStinks team by a count of $190,505.33 to $70,930.12. And that’s after a local oligarch who rightfully finds me less than awesome swept in and started matching donations to the RexStinks team. (Thank you, kind oligarch. Better luck next year!)
As a writer, I’m contractually obligated to knowwhat to say, but I honestly don’t knowwhat to say.
These donations— your donations— are a stunning example of thoughtfulness and concern for others, and the fact that they came in at the end of 2020, a year of unrelenting awfulness, goes a long way toward restoringmy faith in humanity.
I’ll return to extollingmy virtues momentarily, but allowme a moment of seriousness.
It’s an honor forme, each and every day, to be part of this great city and to have the opportunity to sharemywords with people who live here. I knownot everyone likesmywords— trustme, there are dayswhen even I don’t likemy words— but I appreciate all who read them.
I’m not a native Chicagoan, but sincemoving here nearly 20 years ago and putting downroots, I’ve come to knowthe spirit of this city. And what I can say is this: When you create a path for people to help others, Chicagoans rush in.
That’s all this food drive has ever been— a path. If people like me, great. If people don’t likeme, also great. Eitherway, they can donate to help out folks— possibly friends or neighbors— facing food insecurity.
It’s a chance to all be in this together. And each year, Chicagoans have rushed in. Big time.
So as much as I will begrudgingly faux-praisemyself, it’s you all who have made the difference. It’s you all who, by chipping in a few bucks or chipping in a lot of bucks, have helped put food on peoples’ tables.
That’s no small thing, and whether you loveme or hateme, I can’t thank you enough.
Speaking of loving me, part of the dealwas that if the RexRocks teamwon, I’d write a column praisingmyself in an unseemly manner. I’ll do more of that in a moment, but first, an update on
the food drive’s other promises.
Someone fromthe Food Depositorywill be reaching out to the top 10 donors fromeach team in the days ahead. I offered a chat via Zoom to the top five donors from each team and a video message, in which I recite whatever youwant me to recite, to the next five people fromeach team.
I do not see the names or information of anyone who donates to this drive— it’s all handled by the Food Depository. If you’re contacted andwant to proceed with either the Zoommeeting or the recorded message, you’ll have to give the personwho contacts you permission to pass your phone number or email address along to me. Once I get that information, I’ll reach out to you andwe’ll get the ball rolling.
If you’re not interested in chatting or getting a video message, no problem. Just tell the person who
contacts you that you pass and they’llmove on to the next person on the list. Bottom line: I’m having 10 Zoom chats and sending out 10 video messages. And according to my wife and a number of friends, those are things that range in value from$1.25 to “I’ll pay you not to speak to me.” (I’m kidding, I don’t have any friends.)
Rats, I’m running out of space and still haven’t devoted much time to describingmywonderfulness. Hopefullymy editor— who when I suggested firing up the RexStinks team by offering to posewearing amankini said: “Rex, haven’twe suffered enough this year?”— will give me some extra room.
Anyway, it’s difficult to fully describemy handsomeness and…