How to lure boomers

Those of us over 65 are eligible to receive the COVID-19 vaccine. And restaurants are open again for limited indoor dining. We boomers have a window of opportunity to once again dictate our tastes to America. I offer this advice to restaurants so that they may lure us.

Take a good hard look at your menu. Remove anything that is fused, sprayed or placed on the plate by any method other than with a utensil a normal person would have in the kitchen.

If a diner might ask, “Which of these things is the potato?” remove it from the menu.

Charcuterie? It’s a deli plate. Just call it what it is.

You can overdo avocado.

Think about adding a nice shrimp cocktail. When we were kids, we knew we were in a fancy place when it had shrimp cocktail, and we knew it was a big occasion when our dad ordered one. Put at least six decent-sized shrimp in it and charge what you need to, but charging by the shrimp is tacky.

We know you can’t make milk out of just anything, so don’t even try to tell us you can.

Pie. At least one fruit and one cream. Good coffee. The kind that can best be described as “a cuppa Joe.” Do not dare charge for refills.

Fellow boomers, vaccine up, wear your mask, socially distance and spend that money we’ve all been saving on clothes and gas. Our days of once again regaining control of the culture are clearly numbered, but we can relive our glory days and get back at all those kids who’ve been dissing us recently.

— Patricia Motto, Elmhurst