Obamas projected onto the Mart? That’ll scare GOP away!
Like most Chicagoans, I like seeing images projected onto the sides of huge buildings for no particular reason. It ties in nicely with the city’s motto, “Urbs in Horto,” which roughly translates to: “Wouldn’t it be cool if we could plaster a massive photo right up on the side of that big honkin’ building?” (I believe that quote is from famed architect Louis Sullivan, but I’d have to check, which I’m not going to do.)
Anyway, these are halcyon days for me and the legions of big-building-photo-and-video-projection enthusiasts. The video projection series Art on theMart (which still hasn’t fixed the space key on its computer, apparently) has plans to cover the Merchandise Mart this summer with images of former President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama, as well as an assortment of works by artist Frida Kahlo.
The portraits of the Obamas will be from an Art Institute of Chicago exhibition called “The Obama Portraits.” (Quick note to the Art Institute: Next time you do an exhibition, ask me for some help with the name. The title “OBAMArt” was RIGHT THERE, and you missed it.)
According to a story by my colleague Doug George, the projection will be a video version of the exhibition that will “animate portraits of former President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama by artists Kehinde Wiley and Amy Sherald, respectively.”
Having animated Obamas hanging out nightly on the 2.5-acre face of the Merchandise Mart should clear out all Republicans within a 50-mile radius like a bug zapper.
The Kahlo video will include famous works such as “Self Portrait with Small Monkey” and, I assume, “Self Portrait with Larger Monkey,” “Self Portrait with Even Larger Monkey” and “Self Portrait with OH GOD GET THIS GIANT MONKEY OFF ME!!”
This will appeal immensely to art enthusiasts and to people who like to act like they’re art enthusiasts but wouldn’t actually know a Frida Kahlo from a Charlotte Thurpentork. (There is no Charlotte Thurpentork, so if you nodded smugly to that reference, you know which category you fall in.)
While I applaud these civicminded art projections, I do believe Art on theMart could expand its offerings a bit. With that in mind, I have a few suggestions:
1) “Portraits of Staggeringly Handsome Man-Calves, a Rex Huppke Retrospective”
As regular readers know, I’m not shy about touting my finely sculpted man-calves. But despite repeated references to them being “carved from granite” and “beautiful beyond measure,” the golden calves have never been publicly revealed, making them the stuff of legend throughout the greater Chicago area.
What better canvas for a full reveal of my shapely leg meat than the river-facing facade of the Merchandise Mart? Such a display would undoubtedly boost tourism, and bring countless residents to tears.
2) “Giant Hot Dog, Truth Revealed”
An animated video of a glorious Chicago hot dog hovering mid-building. And just below that glistening meat product, a series of bold red letters that spell out: “IT’S A SANDWICH. GET OVER IT.” (I will not be taking questions at this time.)
3) “Flight of the Dumblebees” Set to carnival music, this would feature an ever-changing assortment of photos of Chicagoans and visitors to the city wearing face masks in ways that defy logic. Over the mouth but below the nose. Over the nose but, somehow, above the mouth. Around the chin like a head hammock.
Each day, people incapable of grasping this one simple public health task will have a chance to appear on the side of a massive building, in all their irresponsible glory.
4) “Pick It And Ticket!” This video montage would feature motorists from across the city who were captured on street cameras running a red light WHILE picking their nose. Anyone who lives here has to know these videos exist.
I’d be willing to bet there’s a city official in charge of archiving videos of red-light-running nose pickers, just so each year that person can put together a compilation of them for the City Hall holiday party.
Anyway, running red lights is bad, so this would be an appropriate public shaming and might act as a deterrent.
Plus it will be hilarious, unless I appear, in which case it will be AN OUTRAGE!!
5) “Airplane!”
Look, it has been a long pandemic and we’re all very tired and tense and could probably use a good laugh and a chance to set aside our differences and repeat movie lines we’ve heard 18 million times before.
So in the spirit of (admittedly lowbrow) art and unity, why not project the classic 1980 comedy “Airplane!” on the side of the Merchandise Mart so we can all sit along the river with our masks in their proper place and feel happy without having to think too hard.
I can hear your thoughts: “But, Rex, surely you can’t be serious.”
I am serious … and don’t call me Shirley.