You can take them with you
The long-term fate of childhood love objects
For decades, the expressionless, wellworn faces of Elephant and Teddy have peered out from inside a coffee cup in my parents’ house.
My father carried them on a ship across the Atlantic Ocean in 1934 when he was 3 years old and his parents were fleeing Nazi Germany. He and his father would play with them together, dad assuming the role of Teddy (a bear, naturally) for purposes of conversation, and his father assuming the role of Elephant.
They’ve been mute for generations now, which is what happens with all childhood love objects faithfully if haphazardly lugged from place to place and stashed away with other keepsakes. But now that my dad is 90 and we’re making a serious effort to edit and purge accumulated possessions, the long-term fate of Elephant and Teddy is at issue.
For guidance, I consulted the pre-pandemic Facebook post which asked readers for advice on estate planning for Emiliano and Zapata, twin barely-stuffed bears that have been living — OK, stored — nearly out of sight at the top of a bookcase in our bedroom for many years.
It had occurred to me that someday, someone is going to have to dispose of them if I don’t.
This is true of a lot of possessions, of course, even those with sentimental value. We leave to a surviving heir the task of consigning to the landfill that which we don’t have the heart to discard.
But love objects — blankets, stuffed animals, dolls and so on — are different. For an estimated 60% of children they are the first confidants and earliest faithful companions, safe emotional investments, training wheels for the heart.
They deserve a better fate than the old photographs, ticket stubs, journals, mortarboards and other souvenirs we hang onto. But what?
Some readers offered variations on the let-them-go-you-old-fool theme. “Throw
those ratty things away!” wrote David Donovan. “They should easily fit in the trash,” added Pete Prokopowicz. “No special disposal arrangements needed.”
(Though my former colleague Marie Dillon cautioned, “Anyone who throws them away goes straight to Hell the minute they die.”)
Others recommended conducting something like a funeral: “Give them a proper goodbye,” wrote Terri Gregory. “I suggest writing a poem to them and having a ceremony in the backyard with family in attendance . ... Burn them. It’s final and it’s pure. It’s a transition.”
Christine Vernon added, “If a cremation is good enough for people and pets, it is good enough for stuffed animals.”
Many others suggested simply bequeathing them to the next generation.
“Years from now when you’re gone, I’m sure they will still be treasured by your children,” wrote Juanita Bradtke. Polly Paige Loughrane wrote “your grandchildren may adore having .... something you loved so dearly.”
That’s my dad’s current plan for Elephant and Teddy. He envisions passing them down to one of our children. The stuffed creatures are very small and can be an unobtrusive yet enduring reminder of that little boy on the ocean liner so long ago and the inheritance of his love.
Readers gave me the idea for a different
plan for Emiliano and Zapata. The bears are comparatively large — 15 inches tall — and my effort years ago to get my daughter to adopt them as her own love objects failed after about two weeks. So rather than toss them or conduct a mock funeral, I’ll simply arrange to have them join me at mine.
“You can pretty much put anything you want in a casket,” said Mary Carey, executive director of the Illinois Funeral Directors Association when I asked about the option of bringing things along to The Great Beyond. “I’ve heard of people putting pints of whiskey, playing cards, pictures, letters, money, stuffed animals, quilts, cremated pets, fishing poles, golf clubs (and) golf balls.”
What can come along with the deceased is a very common question, according to Donald Fritz, director of operations for the Cremation Society of Illinois. “One of the most frequently requested items (to be placed in the cremation chamber) are photographs and letters. With combustible items like this there really isn’t a limit on how many . .... Stuffed animals and pillows and blankets are other items . .... Game jerseys and sports memorabilia and uniforms are also popular . ... I’ve made a few trips to Starbucks to have a favorite latte made to be placed with the deceased.”
There are some exceptions: “We had requests to place weapons in,” Fritz said. “We have declined these, as the metal does not really break down in the cremation process.”
So if your childhood love object was a firearm, you are out of luck.
But in my case, it seems fitting that the two raggedy and well-worn hunks of cloth and stuffing that never meant anything to anyone but me — to whom they once meant the world — will go out with me.
And those left behind can at least pretend that there is some spiritual truth in the very last line of the very last story in A.A. Milne’s “Winnie the Pooh” collection:
“Wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest a little boy and his bear will always be playing.”
Crime and scholarship
What should be the punishment for those convicted of storming the U.S. Capitol on Jan. 6 ? That question came up the other day on The Mincing Rascals, a weekly news-review podcast from WGN-plus on which I’m a regular panelist, when we were discussing the case of Christian Kulas,the 24-year-old Kenilworth resident charged Tuesday with unlawful entry of a restricted building and disorderly conduct on U.S. Capitol grounds.
Friday, Chicago police Officer Karol Chwiesiuk was arrested on similar charges.
Not prison in most cases, the group agreed. Most of the approximately 450 insurrectionist jamokes charged so far have otherwise fairly clean records. Fines? Community service?
It was only later that the right answer hit me: Make them pass college-level classes in the history of fascism.
Re: Tweets
The winner of this week’s reader poll to select the funniest tweet was, “One man’s delusional paranoid fantasies are another man’s actual political beliefs,” by @wildethingy.
The poll appears at chicagotribune.com/ zorn where you can read all the finalists. For an early alert when each new poll is posted, sign up for the Change of Subject email newsletter at chicagotribune.com/ newsletters.