Census says population of ‘worse-than-Afghanistan’ Chicago grew? I demand a recount!
I’ve been told repeatedly that people are fleeing Chicago in droves because it’s a fiery, unlivable, rat-infested hellscape. So you can imagine my shock when new U.S. census data showed the city’s population has grown over the past decade.
How could a place I’ve been led to believe is an uninhabitable war zone whose streets run red with blood possibly attract more residents?
The pundits and politicians who don’t live in Chicago and have spent years telling me how bad Chicago is are certainly honest brokers of information. There’s no way they would use a large city’s struggles with gang violence to cynically portray liberal urban areas with large minority communities as criminal cesspools in an effort to keep their rage-addicted supporters aroused.
So the only logical conclusion is that the 2020 numbers released Thursday are RIGGED!
I suspect antifa thugs somehow infiltrated the Census Bureau. Or it’s possible Hillary Clinton is behind this. Come to think of it, the word “census” sounds a bit like “Soros.” Draw your own conclusions.
The bottom line is there’s no way my preferred narrative — that liberal control of big cities leads to abject chaos — is wrong. I don’t question what I hear on Fox News, because that would make me uncomfortable and being uncomfortable is a sin. That’s why God invented the couch I sit on to watch Fox News.
So while I take no pleasure in this, it’s my duty as an American patriot to demand a Census recount.
The so-called data released Thursday alleges that the population of Chi-raq, as I’ve been told to call it, increased by about 50,000 people over the last decade. The city’s total population increased 1.9% since the 2010 census, and the full resident count — ALLEGEDLY!! — is 2,746,388 residents.
That makes no sense. Based on the things I’ve been told by the former president of the United States and my close personal friends in conservative media, everyone in Chicago, myself included, I assume, has been murdered at least twice.
While lamestream media types run around touting supposed “evidence based on quantitative data,” I have data of my own to present.
In 2016, Fox News host Greg Gutfeld mocked Chicago’s designation as a sanctuary city for immigrants and asked: “What else is a sanctuary? Aleppo? Mosul? The magma basin of an active volcano?”
“Chicago’s only slightly safer than a minefield,” Gutsy Gutfeld railed. “It’s entirely possible that one day there will be sanctuary cities in Mexico, for people fleeing Chicago.”
Did you hear that, libs? FLEEING Chicago. Are you going to tell me the U.S. Census Bureau is smarter than Greg Gutfeld?
That same year, none other than Donald Trump, who was then the greatest-president-ever-elect, described Chicago as an “out of control” place that was like a “war-torn country.”
“It’s terrible what’s going on in Chicago,” he said. “It’s worse than some of the places we’re hearing about like Afghanistan.”
And in 2020, he said of Chicago: “That’s worse than Afghanistan. I hate to say it: That’s worse than any war zone that we’re in, by a lot.”
If there’s one thing Trump knows, it’s real estate, so if he says Chicago is like Afghanistan, do you really think people are moving into the city? HAH! Of course not. That’s why Trump would never build a huge tower filled with expensive condos here. You’d have to be a complete lunkhead or a soulless hypocrite to do that!
A Tribune story about the new census data claimed that “Chicago’s growth came during a decade when the city poached dozens of corporate headquarters from nearby suburbs and saw an influx of young professionals and baby boomers snapping up condos and apartments in and near downtown.”
That story quoted downtown Ald. Brendan Reilly: “Young professionals continue to want to live and work in our vibrant downtown neighborhoods.”
That is UNPOSSIBLE! Next they’re going to tell me that while Chicago’s violence is a terrible problem rooted in an array of historical and socioeconomic factors, it rarely has any direct impact on the downtown business or tourist areas and remains largely isolated in pockets of the city ignored by the wealthy and politically powerful.
Or that Chicago isn’t even close to being the most dangerous city in America based on FBI crime data showing the number of violent crimes committed per 100,000 residents. I suppose you’re going to tell me more statistically violent cities are places such as Memphis or Springfield, Missouri, or Little Rock, Arkansas. There’s no way I’m buying that just because you show me publicly available law enforcement data that supports your claim. THAT’S MARXISM!!!
Here’s all the evidence I need to justify a full census recount of Chicago:
In 2020, Fox News host Tucker Carlson said: “People are fleeing Chicago — taxpayers, especially. It’s been to the great benefit of nearby Wisconsin. If you live in the area, you know.”
In April of this year, Carlson released a Fox News documentary titled “Chicago in Crisis” and a write-up about it on the network’s website said there’s “a population exodus from Chicago” and quoted Carlson saying: “Nearly three million people live in the city of Chicago. Thanks to soaring crime rates, the population is dropping fast.”
In May, Carlson did a piece under a chyron that read: “Filthy Crime-Ridden Chicago Has a Rat Problem.”
And in July he said: “People are fleeing Chicago in huge numbers.”
Clearly, Chicago is shrinking at a rapid rate and people are literally running away from the city under a hail of gunfire.
The only other possibility is that a respected journalist such as Tucker is leveraging the tragic human toll of a city’s endemic gang violence to make a dishonest political point.
It seems much more likely China hacked our census, with the help of President Joe Biden and former Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez, and we need an immediate recount to set things straight.