Family ties
| Moving close to adult kids and grandkids has many rewards
At a time when many Chicagoans would have liked to get away for the winter, Gary Gascoigne moved last January from Southern California to Evanston. He didn’t move here because he likes winter. Just the thought of shoveling snow is chilling. But he does love the fact that his first grandchild, a baby girl, lives in Evanston.
Gascoigne’s daughter, the baby’s mother, is a softball coach at Northwestern University and travels a lot. So, Gascoigne and his wife Lorri, a retired preschool director, moved here to help. They rented an apartment at Avidor in Evanston, one of a number of new active adult apartment communities in the Chicago area with lots of amenities. The couple still has a place in California so they can visit their other daughter who lives there.
“It’s been fantastic,” says Gascoigne. “We moved for a really good reason and our family is better for it.”
People move closer to family for a variety of reasons. During the pandemic, many families found themselves moving in with each other or moving nearby to help each other out. Adult children often found themselves living back at home with their older parents. Some young families moved back to their hometowns to be near a support network of grandparents and other relatives willing to babysit.
Pandemic travel restrictions finally pushed Jean Hruby to move here from California. Her sister-in-law and nephews live in the Chicago area. She moved about a month ago to Avenida, an active adult apartment community in Naperville. “I like being around family,” says Hruby, who’s not sure about winter, but adds, “I thought I’d give it a try.”
Sticking together
Most older people already live near their adult children. One recent study shows that about 75% of adults live within 30 miles of a parent.
Older people are also less likely to move than younger people. From 2019 to 2020, only 4% of older people moved, compared to 10% of the population below age 65. About 26% of older movers remained in the same state. Most of them (55%) stayed in the same county. Grandparents sometimes move within the same metro area to be closer to their adult children and grandchildren.
New grandchildren are a big draw for older people on the move. Grandparents want to be part of their grandkid’s lives. So, they move.
Another reason older people move to be near family is because they need help themselves. Adult children may want a frail elder nearby to eliminate long distance caregiving. A short drive is easier than a short or long plane ride.
Karen Kearns moved here from Buffalo, New York. She had raised her three sons in Pittsburgh, but now they’re all living near each other in north suburban Glenview. She also has four grandchildren here.
Kearns sold her house and now rents a two-bedroom apartment at Avidor, an active adult community in Glenview. She visits her kids and grandkids a lot and helps out with babysitting. She likes to attend their sporting activities. “It’s worked out great.” She says. “We all live nearby each other.”
There are lots of advantages of living near family. Grandkids and grandparents alike benefit from having a close relationship.
But the advantages come with some cautions too. It’s important to set expectations and establish boundaries, experts say. Consider how well you get along with your adult children and their spouses. It’s difficult to move and leave old friends behind. Are you ready to establish new social connections outside of family? Your adult children could relocate. What then? Other advice: Don’t drop in unannounced.
“It’s wonderful living near my kids, but you have to have your own life,” says Kearns. She’s met new friends at her apartment community and continues her long-time work with an educational organization.
A support network
While at some point, older people need more help, prompting a move closer to family, their loved ones need the peace of mind close proximity brings. Carolyn Dinofsky was living in New York City and her son-in-law called her every Friday asking her to move to the Chicago area. After her brother died, she decided to make the move and rented an apartment at the Lodge of Northbrook, a senior living community in the northern suburb. “It’s better to be close to family,” says Dinofsky, who was excited about attending her granddaughter’s graduation.
Chicago resident Ruth Tesmond typically spent seven months of the year in California where she owns a condominium. But when the pandemic hit, she was stuck in California because of travel restrictions. “I decided I needed to be closer to family,” says Tesmond. She has seven adult children, five of whom live in the Chicago area.
So, Tesmond sold her house in Chicago, rented her place in California and moved into Smith Village, a retirement community on Chicago’s South Side. She enjoys the activities there and sees her family often. Luckily, she could get the help she needed during a recent health scare.
Reflecting on her move, Tesmond says, “I had a lot of friends in California.” She sometimes played tennis with the movie star Elke Sommer and even visited her home in Beverly Hills. But Tesmond adds: “You get to the point where it’s not convenient to be so far away from family.”