Talking to teens about sexting
Q: My daughter is on her cellphone a lot. How do I talk to her about sexting and other privacy concerns?
A: Sexting is the sending or receiving of sexually explicit images, videos or text messages using a smartphone, computer, tablet, video game or digital camera. It’s not something any parent wants to think about their child doing, and it may be uncomfortable to talk about. But the fact is that sexting is something kids will find out about at some point. This is why it’s important to talk about sexting with your child early, so they have the information they need to make healthy decisions.
There has been a significant jump in the number of kids and teens with access to smartphones. According to a 2021 Common Sense Media survey, an estimated 88% of 13- to 18-year-olds and 43% of 8- to 12-yearolds have smartphones.
It’s not too surprising, then, that sexting is more common among kids and teens these days. A 2021 study on sexting among youth found that 19.3% had sent a sext, 34.8% had received a sext, and 14.5% had forwarded one without consent.
There are many risks of sending and sharing sexts that you should be aware of.
Mental health and sexual behavior
Young people who sext are more likely to:
Have depression and/or anxiety.
Commit minor crimes. Use alcohol, drugs or cigarettes.
Engage in sexual activity and sex with multiple partners.
Not use contraception. Younger adolescents who sext may be even more susceptible to these risks because of their lack of experience and immaturity. They also tend to be more vulnerable to digital dangers such as bullying or “sextortion.” This is a type of blackmail used to get people to send sexually explicit photos or money so that their private information isn’t posted online.
Legal risks
There’s also the potential legal trouble that kids can get into, whether they’re sending or receiving sexts. Some states will even prosecute minors. Minors may also be permanently placed on sex offender lists.
There are other risks with sexting too, risks that young people may not think about, including:
Not having any control over the video or picture once it’s sent. People may forward it to others.
Bullying from peers who see the sext.
Regret for sending a sext, especially if it’s shared with others. This can lead to emotional distress.
If the sext is posted online, adolescents can be vulnerable to attention they don’t want, including from sexual predators.
It’s best to talk to your child as soon they are old enough to have a cellphone. Keep giving ageappropriate guidance as your child or teen matures.
Some tips:
Start the discussion. Ask your child if they’ve heard of sexting and what they think it is. It’s important to first learn what your child’s understanding is of the issue. After that, you can add age-appropriate information as needed.
Be very specific, especially with teens, that sexting often involves pictures or videos of a sexual nature. Some sexts can be considered pornography or child pornography.
Inform your children that texts, images and videos on the internet can remain there forever. This is true even if they’re posted on apps that delete after a short duration.
Be on the lookout for excessive texting. If you suspect inappropriate behavior, monitor your child’s smartphone and talk with them about who they’re texting.
Teach your kids and teens digital citizenship. This includes respect for others and themselves and how to reject cyberbullying.
Dr. Yolanda (Linda) Reid Chassiakos has served as a clinical assistant professor of pediatrics at the David Geffen School of Medicine, UCLA, and the executive director and chief medical officer of the Klotz Student Health Center at California State University Northridge.