Work-related weekend visit catches spouse in pajamas
Dear Miss Manners: My husband works from home, and a colleague does not. Colleague sometimes texts my husband that there is a product or mail for him at the office, and kindly offers to drop it by our home. My husband accepts and is very appreciative.
The drop-off generally occurs on a weekend early in the day, when I am either in bed or lounging about the house in robe and slippers.
Because we moved during the pandemic, our house is “new” to Colleague, so this morning, my husband elected to give him a tour. The tour did not include the bedroom, where I sat in pajamas responding to email.
I like Colleague a lot, but am accustomed to meeting him only when “ready to greet the world.” I felt it rude not to make an appearance, so I robed myself and popped out to say hello, nothing more. The men went on chatting for half an hour or so about our new home, the work to be done, etc., and I scampered away.
I do not want to be either rude or inattentive in these situations. What do you suggest?
Since it was based on showing off a new home, this problem presumably will not be recurring. But Miss Manners assures you that the impromptu and workbased visit did not require your presence, and that your behavior was sufficiently cordial.
If Colleague is planning
Gentle reader:
on being privy to any future remodeling, however, perhaps your husband can give you some advance warning — so that you do not again get caught in your pajamas.
I have a friend with whom I interact very frequently. He will tell me to meet him at his apartment at a certain time. If I arrive on time, he almost always seems put out, asking why I have arrived so early and complaining that he feels rushed.
When I ask whether I misunderstood or misremembered the appointed time, he checks the clock and acknowledges that he lost track of time and didn’t realize it was already that time.
Tiring of his crankiness, I have made a habit of arriving several minutes late. This generally seems to have solved the problem. However, very occasionally, he will notice that I have arrived a few minutes late and ask, in a way that seems to accuse me of wasting his time, why I’m late.
I tried being honest once, saying that it seemed more polite to give him a few extra minutes to prepare. That was a mistake, as he didn’t like the implication that he wasn’t usually on time (even though he is not!).
Now, I just apologize and promise to mend my ways even though I have no intention of doing so, as being on time is far and away more likely to cause problems than being slightly late.
I have been wondering whether this is the best approach, though. Does Miss Manners have a better solution, short of breaking off the friendship? While my friend is cranky about time, he has many other redeeming
Dear Miss Manners:
features and we have many mutual interests.
You seem to be spending loads of unnecessary energy getting around the problem — by guessing your friend’s changing mood and daily schedule — rather than addressing it head-on.
“When we make plans, please let me know when would be the ideal time to meet. I tend to go by the clock, but am happy to employ another system. I just need to know what it is.”
Miss Manners recognizes that this might make your friend take offense. But given your history, that seems inevitable. At least this time you will be expecting it. Which is more than he can say about your arrivals.
Gentle reader:
I am female, but I have an androgynous name often associated with a dog or a male.
I work with the public, and many times I am confronted with rude questions, such as, “You’re named after a dog?” “Did your parents hate you? Why are you named that?” “What is your real name?” and so on.
I struggle to find an appropriate answer, as I do not want to sound rude, but am tired of people insulting my name.
Dear Miss Manners:
Gentle reader: “Yes, my given name is Pooch,” followed by a pleasant but defiant smile that says, “You got somethin’ to say about it?”
To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners. com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.