Being corrected by partner on trivial matters is not desirable
Dear Miss Manners: My partner of many years often corrects my misstatements, even if they are of a very trivial nature (“It was not a blue car we saw, darling, it was turquoise”). In fact, she seems to enjoy correcting me.
In contrast, I usually don’t bother to correct her minor mistakes (“We didn’t see your friend two days ago; it was three days”). To me, it does not seem worth the bother.
Can you tell me if there is a point of etiquette here?
Gentle reader: How did you manage to stick it out with this person for so many years? The annoyance factor must be overwhelming.
You should not need a point of etiquette here — the survival instinct should alert people to the danger of continually irritating one’s partner.
Miss Manners can tell you that there are academic and other forums where correcting facts is desirable. Social occasions with one’s partner are not among them.
Dear Miss Manners: I sell furniture on a commission basis. Is it appropriate to ask clients to request me personally if and when they return to the shop? Also, is it appropriate to inform them of my days off, so they do not come in and purchase something from someone else when I am not there?
It is important for me to make as many sales as possible, but I do not want to appear greedy or pushy. My first idea was to write the information on the back of my card — my days off, and a request that they ask for me.
If either or both are acceptable, can you please advise me of the most polite verbiage to use?
Gentle reader: If you do not wish to appear greedy or pushy, neither of which would win their loyalty, give them your card and say that you would be most pleased to help them again if there is anything else they need in the future.
Even the least observant customer will guess that you work on commission, but most will still appreciate your phrasing it as a desire to help them rather than to advance yourself.
Miss Manners would apply the same principle of emphasizing the positive to the matter of availability: Providing the times when you will be working, instead of when you will not, has the added benefit of not being open to misinterpretation.
Dear Miss Manners: This (new) friend told me that she had a pair of shoes she could not use because the company sent the wrong size. She didn’t send them back, but said I could have them if they fit.
Well, I went over to visit and she handed me the shoes. I said “thank you” and she said to try them on, so I did, and they fit fine.
But that’s when she said, “You can pay me $50 for them when you get it.” I had already said “thank you” and didn’t know what to do, so I gave her $20 I had with me and then left. I had just bought a pair of good walking shoes that my doctor wanted me to get.
Now she is telling some of my other friends that I am trying to get out of paying for the shoes. I have tried to tell her that I will return them, but it goes in one ear and out the other.
I am not sure what else I can do.
Have you tried actually returning them?
If not, Miss Manners suggests that you do so promptly, telling your new friend, “Thank you, but I think I misunderstood the offer and don’t, in fact, need these shoes after all. I recently bought a pair that my doctor recommended, so I think I’d better stick with those.”
And if in the future, this friend offers you another pair of anything, you might want to check the terms and conditions before accepting.
Gentle reader:
Dear Miss Manners: I have dozens of elderly clients, and many of them tell me, in detail, about their medical adventures. How do I politely shut someone down when they get into very graphic descriptions of illness and surgeries that, frankly, make my stomach churn?
I have respect for my elders and believe they deserve an ear, but it goes way too far when they share details concerning blood, pus, vomit and feces. Help!
Gentle reader: “That sounds like information for your doctor, not me,” would be better than “Ew!”
Nothing, however, will outperform the basic social skill of knowing how to change the subject gracefully: “Is there anything I can help you with?” Miss Manners trusts that they will understand that you cannot help them with their medical misfortunes.
To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners. com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.