How to kick your habit of assuming the worst

In some cases, assumptions are good, helping us navigate the world. On the flip side, assumptions can be a trap if they don’t align with reality. Negative assumptions can be especially problematic and hard to navigate if our ego and identity get involved.

Assumptions can keep us stuck

Entering a conversation with a negative judgment or assumption is like going in with a closed fist, says Chuck Wisner, author of “The Art of Conscious Conversations: Transforming How We Talk, Listen, and Interact.” “Whether we’re talking about abortion or gun control, having a an

opposing opinion is going to make that conversation pretty stressful pretty quickly,” he says. “Our identities are attached to it, and we’re pretty convinced we’re right. There’s no open space in our mind to consider more information or other

perspectives.” If you come in with an open hand, however, you create an ability to grow. “What the open hand means is that you’re coming in saying, ‘Here’s why I’m thinking this way, but let me hear what you’re thinking. I’m making assumptions, but maybe I’m wrong,’” he says. Being open-minded is difficult because we’ve all been schooled to raise our hands and value answers. “We get graded to have the answer and be the smart one,” says Wisner. “It gets reinforced in business, too. In some ways, we’re all trained to be knowers. Being curious and being a learner who is open to being wrong takes vulnerability.”

How to stop assuming

To snap out of negative assumptions, we need to

create distance between ourselves and our thoughts, says Wisner. “The first step is recognizing that our assumptions aren’t the truth,” he says. “Assumptions are what our mind is doing based on the information and our history. Wisner suggests paying attention to the domains, conversations, and situations that trigger you into making snap judgments. Step back and say to yourself, “This is an assumption. I can choose to put it aside, or I can choose to investigate it by asking questions. Be self-aware enough to increase your curiosity about other potential realties.