From within:

Workers share how they developed their confidence

Janyce Ryan says many of her clients suffer from a lack of “career confidence,” a term the Miami-based social worker uses often. “So many people think they don’t have that one extra thing that others have,” says the 46-year-old Ryan, who specializes in workplace relationships. “They think they have the skills and the intellect and the drive, but they truly believe they’re lacking that final piece.”

And it’s that final piece, Ryan says, that makes all the difference. “Most times, it’s confidence. It’s bridging that gap between what you know you can do and how you show that off to others,” she says. “And it’s not an easy trait. It’s something people find in numerous and unique ways.”

We checked in with several current employees to see how they found that confidence and then learned to use it to their

advantage. Here’s what they had to say:

“My career has absolutely been affected by my lack of confidence. I’ve been burned by some nasty coworkers in my past and they’ve made me feel really stupid. My way of dealing with it was that I emotionally crawled up into a little ball and avoided any share of the spotlight. I think it definitely had a huge impact on the money I made and the promotions I received. I can’t quite pinpoint the turnaround for me but I think a lot of it has to do with small successes at work and in my personal life. I ran a half-marathon, helped create a volunteer program at work and built a deck in my backyard. That last one sounds stupid but it was huge. I did it with two friends and had very little help. I was out there busting my butt for about three months, every day after work and on the weekends. When it was finished, I thought ‘look at this! This is something. If I can do this, I can do anything.’”

– Vanessa J., Orland Park, Illinois

“I didn’t really have a lot of confidence until I started losing weight. It sounds so vain and so pretentious and I’m

actually sort of embarrassed for saying it but I think when I was overweight, I was much more reluctant to put myself out there. I felt like the only thing people saw when they looked at me was ‘wow, he’s pretty fat.’ They didn’t listen to what I was saying and they certainly didn’t take my ideas seriously. That may have been something in my own mind but I always felt like I was viewed as a lesser person because of my weight, especially when everyone else at the office was younger than me, so I lost 50 pounds and began to speak up at work. Turns out it was a chicken-and-egg thing. The confidence was there after the weight came off but I realized that the confidence was there all the time, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to lose the weight in the first place.”

– Michael G., Chicago

“I was with a guy who really did a number on my selfconfidence. He just was very dismissive about what I was

capable of doing. But instead of letting that get me down, I actually used it as fuel. I put myself back in school and I started to realize that I was as smart as anyone in my class and as capable as anyone. It probably took me longer to dump him than I should have but when I finally graduated with my bachelor’s degree, I kicked him to the curb. And slowly but surely, I started to find my footing. And when

I found a job as a developer, which is still a pretty maledominated field, I felt good about myself and that was it — no more sulking. No more looking back.”

– Michelle B., Downers Grove, Illinois

Dreamstime

“The thing people don’t tell you about confidence is that it’s almost impossible to do on your own. When I was feeling really depressed, my doctor suggested I go see a psychologist and he really helped me create a new definition of myself. She just helped me see things in a new light. I know sometimes people can get that from friends

or a spouse or a mentor but I didn’t really have that with my family or friends. It’s not that they didn’t care, it’s just

that for the most part, we’re all a little self-absorbed and we spend a lot of time working on our own issues. There’s nothing wrong with that, that’s just the way it is. So it’s just nice to have an outsider take a look at you and whatever issues you may have and just help you sort them out. I

explain it to people like I’m packing a suitcase. I open the suitcase and all of my clothes, like my feelings, were just wrapped in a big ball, like the way you are when you come home from a trip and you just stuff everything in there. She really helped me sort everything out. I put my things back in a much better order and left behind those things that I no longer needed and certainly one of those things was this low opinion I held of myself.”

– Dana W., Zion, Illinois