Risky business:
Workplace romances can be tricky, so proceed with caution
Tina Anderson has some advice for anyone embarking on a romantic relationship with a coworker: “Don’t do it!”
Sounds extreme, right? Maybe, but Anderson, a New York-based marketing coordinator, says she wishes she’d followed her own advice when she became involved with a coworker in the same department. “My problem was that I thought whatever we had outside of the office would be exactly the same inside of the office, and that’s a completely screwed-up way to look at things,” Anderson says. “There were some days that we were just not in the right place to talk or be together — like the day after a huge fight when someone’s feelings were really hurt — and when you’re working together, there’s nothing you can do.”
Still, Anderson says her relationship with her romantically linked coworker became much stronger — they’ll celebrate their sixth wedding anniversary this year and the birth of their first child — when he became her former coworker.
Anderson says she and her then-boyfriend decided they’d both look for new jobs and that the person who found the best potential situation would accept it. “You have to make choices,” she says. “And once we chose to stay together but not work together, we went from there. It actually made things better for us at work because we knew we were now in the working-together phase of our relationship, not the entire relationship itself.”
After interviewing for a few positions, Anderson says she found an employer that paid her the same salary but gave her a key benefit: Working from home. “That was a gamechanger for me because I really hate commuting, especially in the winter,” she says.
Despite the storybook outcome, Anderson says she would tell other people to be very careful about starting something with a colleague. “Relationships are complicated enough without the complications of working together,” she says. “I really do believe it’s possible to build something more than a work relationship but at some point, you have to set the romance aside and figure out what’s best for you as individuals and as partners.”
If you plan on entering into a romantic relationship with a coworker, here are some things to consider:
Company policy: Check your company’s policies and guidelines regarding workplace relationships. Some organizations have strict rules against dating coworkers, while others may require disclosure or have specific protocols in place.
Evaluate the relationship: Reflect on the nature of your relationship with your coworker. Is it based on mutual respect and compatibility or driven by infatuation or convenience? If you’re looking for a serious relationship, consider the long-term potential.
Open communication: Have a candid conversation with your coworker about your feelings and intentions. Make sure that you’re both on the same page regarding the relationship’s seriousness and its potential implications.
Discretion: Maintain professionalism at work and keep your relationship discreet. Avoid public displays of affection or discussing personal matters during office hours.
Set boundaries: To avoid letting your personal life interfere with job responsibilities, set boundaries to maintain a healthy work-life balance.
Resolving conflicts: Discuss how you will handle the disagreements that will undoubtedly occur in your relationship. Establish healthy communication patterns and conflict resolution strategies. It may feel awkward to discuss this but it may be really helpful if things get off track.
Manage jealousy: Be prepared for the possibility of coworkers noticing your relationship. Address any jealousy or office gossip calmly and professionally. This goes for your own jealousy, too. Your partner will still have strong relationships with others at work — morning banter, premeeting laughter, going out to lunch — and you’ll have to have enough confidence in your relationship to not treat this as something more than it is.
Avoid favoritism: See to it that neither you nor your partner receive special treatment or work opportunities due to the relationship. Keep those professional standards consistent.
Prepare for consequences: Understand that workplace relationships can sometimes lead to complications, such as job-related stress, office politics or the need to switch jobs if the relationship ends badly.