Whining about Swift a wasted opportunity
Barring a cataclysmic event, like the flight from her Tokyo tour getting delayed, Taylor Swift is very likely to be at the Super Bowl cheering for her boyfriend Travis Kelce as his Chiefs take on the 49ers. (Yawn. I wanted Chiefs-Lions.)
Which means cameras are very likely to pan to Swift cheering for boyfriend Kelce. And commentators are very likely to comment about Taylor Swift cheering for her boyfriend Travis Kelce.
And 60% of fans will have opinions about Swift cheering for Kelce and 40% will have opinions about the opinions and The New York Times will assign a data journalist to cover the whole thing. (“How Often Is Taylor Swift Actually Shown at N.F.L. Games?” was a Times headline Jan. 25. Three seconds longer than shirtless Jason Kelce during the Bills game was the answer.)
An interesting discourse has popped up about what all this means for Tay’s fans. Is Swift ushering in a whole new generation of NFL fans? (It’s worth noting that women already made up 47% of the fan base in 2020, according to the NFL.) Are girls watching more football with their dads? Are girls internalizing their dads having meltdowns over their favorite singer? Are girls watching TikToks of Colin Cowherd railing against men who rail against Swift? Are all of Taylor’s fans girls? (No, on that last one.)
I find this all fascinating. Talk about a story line that takes gender roles and parenting and generational
divides and misplaced rage and shifting societal power dynamics and our weird fascination with celebrity and weaves them all into a big, beautiful, messy quilt for us.
“A girl in my office said to me the other day, ‘No offense, but if hope is the thing you want for us, you are not the best therapist in the world,’ ” family therapist John Duffy told me. “‘Taylor Swift is.’ ”
The legions of fans (I include myself here) who’ve made Swift into a multi-platinum billionaire feel a kinship that goes far beyond singing along to her catchy lyrics. She is a de facto life coach/ best friend/hype woman/ therapist to millions. This can delight you or annoy you or confound you and, honestly, it doesn’t matter. It’s still the truth.
Which brings us back to the Super Bowl.
“Little girls aren’t minimizing their dreams because people are dragging T. Swift,” Melissa Atkins Wardy, author of “Redefining Girly: How Parents Can Fight the Stereotyping and Sexualizing of Girlhood, from Birth to Tween” wrote on Facebook after the Chiefs-Ravens game. “You underestimate them. Have you spent time with young girls lately?” Exactly.
“Y’all, these little women aren’t exactly trembling blossoms on the vine,” she continued. “They are growing bolder, dreaming wildly, and seeing they can get it all plus the guy. They are breathing down into their belly, squaring their shoulders, and holding their heads high. Good gracious,
making their dreams small? Please. They are looking right past you and your stereotypes and sizing up the horizon. Get out of their way.”
(Am I the only one picturing America Ferrera delivering this monologue?)
“You’ll notice,” Wardy continued, “Taylor hasn’t stopped going to the games. They are watching their idol take on the patriarchy, claim her space and just be stupid happy when her boyfriend catches the football. The young people, girls and boys, who idolize Taylor are rolling their eyes at the fragile men who seem to be terrified of a woman who doesn’t apologize for the power she holds. Your daughters are watching a master class in self-possession, confidence and knowing where to put
your energy.”
The question, really, is whether we’re going to savor that or squander it.
“You being annoyed by the Taylor Swift thing doesn’t break your kid,” Duffy said. “But it does forgo a huge opportunity for connection. It does create a fissure in the relationship between parent and child that is just wildly unnecessary. If your kid is interested in Taylor Swift, then get interested in Taylor Swift.”
The world is harsh. It shows no signs of becoming less so in our kids’ lifetimes. They see this and they know this and they feel this in their bones. Don’t take my word for it. Talk to a few.
This whole Taylor/ Travis thing can be a welcome departure. (Or swap in the artist/hobby/ sport/show of your kid’s choosing, if Taylor’s not their thing.)
“There are so many awful things happening that we have to talk to our kids about,” Duffy said. “Then this really lovely thing comes along. Do we really want to debate our kids about it? Or do we want to just jump in the pool with them?”
Jump in the dang pool. The water’s fine. Or it’s too cold or too hot or too deep or too shallow or shark-infested. Regardless, don’t you want to be there while your kids are swimming in it?