MICHAEL LEARNED Opens Up About Her Dark Past
The Waltons mom opens up for the first time about overcoming her dark past
She’s one of the most iconic moms in TV history, and at age 77, Waltons star Michael Learned enjoys just as happy a home life offscreen — but that hasn’t always been the case. At the Feb. 25 Indomitable Spirit Symposium in LA, in order to help other women, she’ll open up about experiencing domestic violence during a longterm relationship. “When I learned that it’s not OK to turn the other cheek and let somebody abuse me, I began to get strong,” Michael reveals to Closer in her first interview about the experience. Things eventually turned around for this mom of three: She’s been married to her fourth husband, attorney John Doherty, 70, for nearly 26 years, and she’s as busy as ever, starring onstage in Driving Miss Daisy in Fayetteville, Pa., and celebrating The Waltons’ 45th Anniversary Reunion with her TV family. “If you do the work,” Michael shares confidently, “you can have a happier life.” — Gregg Goldstein
You’ll be celebrating The Waltons’ 45th anniversary with your co-stars on March 24 to 26 in Schuyler, Va. How does that feel?
“Oh my God, I’m so old, and those kids on the show are now middle-aged!” That’s what comes to mind. [Laughs] The Waltons gave me a second family. I adore everyone on that show.
Your sons [Lucas, 54, Chris, 57, and Caleb Donat, 59] also left the nest long ago.
Well, I have five grandchildren, and our 20-year-old granddaughter is living with us! She’s going to acting college. It’s so nice to have a young person around the house.
John is your longest marriage by far.
[After my third divorce,] I was ready to be with somebody, but I decided to never marry again. I made room for a man’s toilet kit in my bath, bought $800 worth of underwear and two weeks later, I met John. We’ve been together ever since.
How did you know he was the one?
He wasn’t my type, and I told him! His face fell and he said, “What do you mean?” I said, “Well, you’ve got a job, you drive a nice car, you dress well and you think I’m terrific. You’re not my type.” And he got it. He’s a partner, we’re good friends, we love each other, he’s embraced my children and we take care of each other.
How is John different from your other relationships?
From the time I was a little girl, I brought home wounded animals, and I’ve always been attracted to men who needed to be rescued…but I was the one that needed rescuing, really. I had a period where I was drinking heavily, and I haven’t had a drink in 41 years.
You’re finally opening up about being in an abusive relationship. How bad did it get?
There were times where he was physically violent. He put a choke hold on me. I called the cops once, but I decided not to press charges. I should have.
Did you turn to anyone else?
I did leave at one point, but there was no one to turn to other than friends. There were no 12-step programs for domestic violence.
Are you still angry at him?
No! If he were still doing it, I would tell you who he is, but today he’s an outstanding member of the community.
Between your drinking, abuse and career setbacks, was there a point when you said, “I’m taking control of my life”?
I’ve had many breaking points. But [in the late ’80s] my ex-husband walked out on me, all my animals were dying, I lost my apartment on [NYC’s] Central Park West because I had no money. It was like I was walking around with my insides outside, but I remember thinking: I’m going to get through this!
Was there anything that helped you?
I knew I had to learn to live alone happily before I could live with anyone else happily. I also have great women friends who rallied. I always say, trust your female friends — stick with them, because they’re the ones who are going to hold you up when everything else falls through the floor. And it was really important for me to have had children early, because it gave me purpose. I think I would’ve gone off the rails if I hadn’t.
“I’ve had a lot of angels in my life who’ve helped me through hard times.”
—Michael
Now you’re turning 78 in April. What are the advantages to this stage of your life?
Self-acceptance! I’ve made poor choices but learned from my mistakes. I’m grateful.
What’s your message to other victims of domestic abuse?
If you know there’s something better out there and you’re willing to [take] responsibility for your choices, you can have a better life. The life I have today is beyond my wildest dreams! — Reporting by Ilyssa Panitz