Just what is summer anyway? Here’s what.
Summer is light attire. Sometimes too light. The longer a heat wave goes on, the more clothing comes off. This may be a necessity, but it is not always attractive. Things hang out that shouldn’t. Things ride up and get stuck in tight spots. Things confined by stretchy fabrics bulge in all the wrong places, break loose, roll like ocean waves when there is movement. Sometimes summer is too much information.
Summer is cool sunglasses. Sunglasses provide protection from harmful rays, sure, but let’s be honest, here, the major reason people wear sunglasses is to look cool. Unfortunately, people tend to all wear the same trendy models. This, of course, begs the question, if everyone looks cool, does anyone look cool?
Summer is flip flops. Flip flops are the official footwear of summer. Flip flops are the closest one can get to bare feet and still be allowed in a 7/ Eleven. Flip flops make it possible to walk on asphalt without looking like you are dancing on a hotplate. I have working- inthe- yard flip flops, hanging- around flip flops, beach flip flops, and even a pair of dress flip flops for formal occasions, like a funeral or job interview.
Summer is motorcycles. For bikers, summer is the roar of the engine, the wind in your face, the bugs in your teeth. Summer is going up the country, taking the road less traveled, being stuck in traffic on the way like everyone else. Summer is vintage bikers in distressed hair, and helmet- less bikers tempting fate, and accountants, and dentists, and other members of “The Mild Ones” roaring into Dairy Queens on growling Harleys in pursuit of hot fudge and sprinkles.
Summer is the Tour. No, not the Tour de France, the Tour de Neighborhood, or the Tour de Rails to Trails. Not that you could readily tell the difference sartorial wise as the grimfaced riders streak by in their aerodynamic helmets, dark glasses and skin- tight racing colors. Yes, they may be just circling the block, but they would not look out of place in the Alps or passing under the Arc de Triomphe in Paris. What is it the folks in the bike stores call these tricked- out fashionistas … Pants Armstrong.
Summer is asking the summer question, “Hot enough for you?” This is almost as annoying as the winter question, “Cold enough for you?” To help answer the hot- enough question, the weather media have rolled out a new gauge — the heat index. The heat index measurers temperature and humidity so you know how hot the conditions feel on your body. It assumes, appar- ently, that your body would not otherwise know that it is time to sit in the shade with a large gin and tonic and watch the world go by. The hype, sorry, heat index, is likely the byproduct of someone standing out in the sun too long while not wearing loose- fitting clothing and failing to drink plenty of fluids.
Summer is highway construction season. This makes perfect sense because summer is when the highways and byways are the most congested. It is not possible to go in any direction during the summer months without running smack into the laneclosure crowd. The only thing more disruptive to traffic flow than a man in a hard hat wielding a STOP/ SLOW sign would be a police officer assigned to the same duty. Police officers do many wonderful things, provide innumerable services, have a wide range of skills. Directing traffic is not one of them. If you want traffic to move past a bottleneck, hire a school crossing guard. These kids are off for the summer anyway.