Mixing edgy plays with the mainstream

Ihave never been in therapy. Some people find this surprising.

Some people find this frightening.

Some people find it difficult to believe that I have gotten to be the way I am without professional guidance.

I have nothing against therapy. It’s more that I have always had my own way of dealing with personal issues. When something bothers me, I just don’t think about it. This approach tends to go well with wine.

I have several friends who have seen a therapist. I don’t know if this made them better or if it just made them different. If you knew them beforehand, you would see “different” as being a win.

Although therapy is very popular these days, I don’t think it would work for me.

First off, I’m not sure I could lie on a couch for any period of time without a television being on. I suppose if I brought along a

WOULD I LIKE TO KNOW WHO I AM? HONESTLY, NO.

security blanket, like my favorite TV remote, I might be OK.

Second, I don’t like change. And if I am not mistaken, one of the main reasons people see a therapist is because they want to change. But what if the change is for the worse. Sometimes it’s better to let sleeping neuroses lie.

Also, there is the matter of revealing your emotions. From what I have been told, you are expected to cry on a regular basis when talking to a therapist. I’m Irish, so I pretty much only cry at births, deaths, the movie “Old Yeller” and when a tap runs dry.

Probably my biggest fear in working with a therapist involves having to be completely honest. Sure, I know therapists are not supposed to be judgmental, but I find this hard to believe. I mean, if I were a therapist and I were listening to me, I couldn’t help but think that I was a flaming !!%$@*#. Then, too, what’s the point of paying someone good money to join a club so many others have joined for free

Would I like to obtain personal insights? Would I like to understand why I do certain things? Would I like to know who I am? Honestly, no. How would any of that be helpful?

That noted, have I ever felt the need to see a therapist? As long as we are being totally honest, yes.

I seriously considered it after the Patriots lost to the Giants in Super Bowl XLII and I had recurring nightmares about David Tyree’s “Helmet Catch”. The only positive thing about those nightmares is that they replaced the ones I had been having about Bucky ( insert expletive) Dent’s soul- crushing home run.

More recently, I have been thinking that I might benefit from talking to someone about something that has been stressing me out. That would be the sudden decision to replace my aging Subaru Outback with a used Cadillac SUV. Surely such a leap of image cannot be healthy.

And what will the ramifications be going forward?

Will I start smoking expensive cigars?

Will I begin using the valet service at restaurants?

Will I join a country club?

Will I become a Republican?

And here is another thing that has been worrying me. Is it possible I have acquired a vehicle with the same evil powers as the one featured in the Stephen King novel/ movie “Christine”?

I know this sounds crazy. Actually, it is crazy. But then the fact that I know it’s crazy means I’m not crazy, right? It’s very confusing.

Maybe I should see someone.

Maybe not.

Maybe I should hold off to see if the Caddy tries to run me over?