Nurse shares emotions of COVID- 19 crisis
GREENWICH — After earning her nursing license last July, Kayla Browne began her career at Greenwich Hospital on Aug. 5 and completed her orientation on the surgery unit by November.
As winter progressed, Browne’s comfort level as an RN on the surgery unit grew. But that all changed when the coronavirus crisis began.
“I was just getting down the routine of being a nurse, but once COVID- 19 hit, it was a whole new playing field,” said the 23- yearold Browne, a Yonkers, N. Y., resident. “It was a learning process, and we all had to do it together. Every step of the way, they ( hospital staff) were telling us everything we needed to do and they were keeping us informed daily.”
By mid- March, Browne and her colleagues were on the front line of the public health crisis, treating dozens of patients with the coronavirus. The surgery unit, located on the second floor at Greenwich Hospital, became dedicated to treating COVID- 19 patients.
“In the beginning, it was just one section of the floor, then it gradually kept growing with COVID- 19- positive patients,” Browne said. “Every day, we were informed there were more patients and then it was all just COVID- 19 patients. The surgery unit became the official COVID- 19 floor.”
It was an especially stressful time for the staff at Greenwich Hospital.
“People were scared, there was a lot of nervousness,” Browne said. “You don’t want to come out of there each day with germs on you. We were very cognizant of the situation we were in and how important it was that we worked as a team. There was really, really good teamwork that was displayed.”
From the middle of March until the middle of April, Browne witnessed the death of six patients due to the coronavirus.
“It was really challenging; there were days where people were discouraged,” said Browne, a graduate of the nursing program at Sacred Heart University in Fairfield. “I learned that you may not see the results of seeing people getting better during your shift. We did everything we could in our power to help them. And when we started discharging people, it was really exciting.”
Finding ways to cope
To cope with the stress and sadness of seeing so many patients suffering from the coronavirus, Brown turned to the written word.
“I found that writing was a healthy outlet to express my feelings,” said Browne, who shares her writings with her co- workers and Facebook friends. “I got an outpouring of response, with people texting me and calling me saying that is how they felt, but they couldn’t put it into words.”
Browne recalled the night she began her writing project.
“I lost a patient one shift, it was the sixth patient I lost,” she said. “The sixth one came very unexpectedly. I left that day and I started to cry. Our nursing manager, Carol Ann Doherty, told me to go home, let it out, go for a walk, go for a run and she gave me the hotline number. I went home a little anxious and I started writing, then kept writing and I said, ‘ This is cool.’ It made me feel a little better.”
On April 29, Browne posted her writings on her Facebook page, addressing some of her words to patients.
“I know it must be scary when I walk into your room in all of my PPE and all you can see is my eyes. My eyes can tell you better than my words that I will do absolutely everything in my power to get you home to your family. My holding an iPad for you so you can blow a kiss to your family, or they can tell you that they love you is temporary, if I have any control of it. I promise you there is a beaming smile behind my N95 when I can take you off oxygen and you maintain on room air. There is a smile when I watch you be discharged, sometimes even happy tears. There is a face behind this shield. My eyes tell you that I am proud of you.”
She also expressed what she was feeling on her Facebook post.
“I still haven’t gotten used to it; six times I’ve heard a physician call time of death on my patients and I still get a pit in my stomach and chills on my arms when I hear those words. For some, time of death was called after a peaceful sleep, for some, it was after a code blue with no success. For some, I was able to hold their hand until I didn’t feel a pulse and whisper to them it’s OK to leave
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and they fought their absolute best. For others I was documenting how many epi they got with no pulse during a code. No matter how a patient goes, it’s sad. No matter the age of the patient, it’s sad. It’s OK to be sad, you’re human. Allow yourself to feel.”
For Browne, writing has proven to be a positive outlet after working her shifts at the hospital.
“I’m doing it in a format that I feel good about,” she said. “It’s a way for me to release bound up nerves.”
Browne posted a letter on her Facebook page on May 8 to her essential health care co- workers. Some of what she wrote in her letter included:
“I think we can all agree not one of us was ready that day when we heard the words “our unit has transitioned into the COVID floor.” Your face showed questions and maybe some fear of what that would mean for your healthcare career. But then you continued on, you kept going. You finished your shift with so many questions that no one was able to answer yet, but you still took care of your patients like any normal shift. I thank you. The next day you showed up for your shift, you showed up with butterflies in your stomach and some sweat under your new PPE, wearing that mask that felt too tight on your nose, but nevertheless you showed up. I thank you. In the beginning it was hard getting adjusted to the new routine you were learning as you went. We all were together. You helped me practice donning and doffing PPE properly to keep me safe. I thank you.
“When I told you I think my patient only
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had a few minutes left, you came in the room with me as we both held the patients’ hand so no one had to be alone, I thank you. When the tears showed up and just didn’t want to stop, you cried with me, you sat with me, there was no judgment, just pure love. Without words, I knew you understood. I thank you. To all essential employees: Not all heroes wear capes; some wear PPE.”
During the pandemic, Greenwich Hospital used a variety of measures to help its staff cope: Quiet rooms are available to the workers; weekly virtual mental health town hall meetings are held; a buddy program has been instituted; and there is a support line for employees to speak directly with behavioral health professionals.
“These are challenging times and our hospital staff are at the forefront,” said Dr. Joshua Hrabosky, manager of Greenwich Hospital’s Center for Behavioral and Nutritional Health. “We wanted to create opportunities for our colleagues and friends to have resources they could use to take care of themselves, which is often the last thing they think to do when faced with such stress.”
Fortunately, the number of COVID- 19 hospitalizations has dropped in Connecticut each day. The state began phase I of its reopening Wednesday, with some retail stores opening their doors and restaurants offering outdoor seating. At Greenwich Hospital, Browne said there are now a lot of empty beds on her floor, and it has calmed down.
“We hope there is not a spike. We are still very conscious of keeping all the PPE equipment,” she said. “We are still treating mostly COVID- 19 patients.”
Bonding with patients during care
Browne knows there’s a special bond between patients and healthcare professionals.
“They can be terrified when they see someone wearing masks, gowns, gloves and shields,” she said. “I try to reassure my patients that I am a person that’s going to take care of you. If you want to talk to someone, I will talk to you.”
Browne has learned plenty from her experiences over the past several weeks.
“I’ve realized how grateful I am for the team I have worked with,” she said. “We have never been stronger as a team and we all feel so close to each other. We are moving in the right direction, because we all work together and everyone continues to do their part. For me, I’ve learned it’s okay to ask for help — don’t bottle your emotions in.”
As she did with her writing, Browne believes it’s important for everyone to let their feelings be known during these stressful times.
“I encourage everyone to express themselves by whichever means they believe is best,” she said. “Whether it’s talking, writing, exercising, or spending time with people in your house — it’s important to feel that you are not alone.”