Memorial Day, official start to uncertain summer

HSDMDW!!!

Come on, you know this one... HSDMDW stands for "Happy Socially Distant Memorial Day Weekend!"

“Whatever that means,” my husband, Ian, remarked, through his Chewbacca beard.

Ian has so much facial hair, we suspect Gov. Ned Lamont may be delaying hair salon reopenings simply to determine just how much hair one human being can amass.

But Ian has a point. Memorial Day? Days of the week don’t seem to exist anymore, and the only difference with weekends is that you're not on the computer all day.

But wait, you are!

Fridays are basically part of the weekend block, now that Greenwich Public Schools have officially turned them into distant learning “flex days.” “That means you don’t have to do anything,” my 9- year- old, George, told me.

I’ve basically written off these last few school weeks as a wash. Let’s face it, my kids aren’t learning much — and why fight it? Maybe there’s some sort of hidden educational value to Fortnite or Roblox.

“OMG, MOM, I HAVE A HUMAN BUBBLE!” my 10- year- old, Selma, shouts from her bedroom.

Meanwhile my 12- year- old, Louie, has spent actual money on something called a “skin,” and George hatches legendary eggs on a regular basis.

So what about Memorial Day, 2020? Let’s recap.

Wikipedia tells us: “Memorial Day is a federal holiday for honoring and mourning the military personnel who died while serving in the United States Armed Forces. The holiday is now observed on the last Monday of May, having been observed on May 30 from 1868 to 1970.”

It’s also the unofficial start of summer.

We don’t talk much about summer around here. We're just trying to make it through HSDMDW. Will all three kids go to sleepaway camp in Maine? Or will we all be home together, with no online school, no friends — and no sanity? These are questions relegated to the “of- whichwe- dare- not- speak” category.

Regardless of summer, I always try to make an effort to mark U. S. federal holidays in our family in some way. For July 4 last year, we had "The Bill of Rights" in kidfriendly language proudly on display in the kitchen, until we realized that the Haft family didn’t actually guarantee most of these rights to aforementioned Haft children — at which point it was immediately removed.

Veterans Day ... Columbus Day ... we try to do something small to commemorate them, even when it involves a lively debate over Columbus Day vs. Indigenous People’s Day that ends with Ian yelling, “Oh, so now Christopher Columbus is the bad guy? Who’s next, Claire?”

And then there’s Labor Day. My personal favorite.

“Mom, no one else on the planet has to weed the yard on Labor Day,” my 10- year- old informed me last year.

I stand alone in my Labor Day appreciation around here.

Oftentimes, school takes care of the more obscure holidays, commemorating them with art projects or special assemblies. This year? Not happening.

So what will we do on this Socially Distant Memorial Day? What does that even look like?

After perusing various options online, I came up with the following list of possible activities. These were actual suggestions on what to do this socially distant Memorial Day:

an American- flag shirt,

1Wear

alone

Play patriotic music on Alexa Create your own parade Take a virtual tour of places like Mount Vernon or Arlington National Cemetery

your home a “vacation destination”

Order takeout cocktails.

Um, I know which one I will be doing — you?

Because “Come on kids, let’s take

1 1 1 1Make 1

a virtual tour of a cemetery!” isn’t going to make it out of the gate here.

The last time we had a parade, it involved all three kids boycotting iPad time limits, including signs and mace made of deodorant spray.

And I don’t know about you, but making my home a vacation destination works every time. Pile up the laundry, and sun yourself next to all the empty wine bottles near the trash. “How about we just remember all the people who have fought for this country,” Ian offered, as if channeling a hairy God from on high.

“Who are they?” Selma asked. Wow. What our kids don’t know: it always amazes me. The idea that you could be drafted into a war and forced to fight a foreign enemy is a hard concept to grasp for today’s kids. “No, it’s not hard at all,” George piped up. “It’s just like all the doctors and nurses right now, fighting COVID- 19.”

And there you have it. Happy Socially Distant Memorial Day. Never forget — and continue the fight.

Now where was that cocktail ... .