Big Bird needles right wing
You know what that leads to. Kids begging their parents for the chance to get a needle stuck in their arms just because a cherished celebrity made it seem cool.
Big Bird has gone too far this time. I don’t if you saw this, but Big Bird tweeted (something birds do) that he had been vaccinated for COVID, something birds do not get, although it’s starting to look like deer do get COVID.
Scientists have found COVID in an alarmingly high percentage of whitetailed deer, although the deer do not seem to have symptoms. A spokesman for the nation’s 30 million deer said that the animals had consulted with Joe Rogan, who gave them some tick powder to snort.
How did the deer get COVID at all? Did we give it to them? At a family gathering? Is it time to be asking Joe Buck some pointed questions?
Meanwhile, Big Bird was virtue signaling about getting “an extra protective boost that keeps me and others healthy.” Not only is this disgusting propaganda and attempted mind control over our kids, but Big Bird could not provide any proof that he had talked this over with Joe Rogan beforehand, which is the minimum standard for prudence.
You know what that leads to. Kids begging their parents for the chance to get a needle stuck in their arms just because a cherished celebrity made it seem cool.
Big Bird was immediately denounced by the Coalition of Members of Congress from Uncomfortably Hot States. Leading the charge was U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz, who loves hot states so much that when his home state of Texas was ravaged by snow and power outages, he fled to Cancun in a show of solidarity with warmth. Also, according to him, to be a good father.
As a father, I share his concern about what is happening to children’s television. A huge yellow monstrosity spouting epidemiology? What about cartoons, like we watched in the old days? What about Elmer Fudd standing up for the Second Amendment or Fred Flintstone showing us what it means to be an oath-keeping man?
The only person who seems to care about cartoons is U.S. Rep Paul Gosar, also a member of the CMCUHS (see above). Gosar went to the trouble of releasing last Sunday an anime video with his face video-shopped onto a character who beheaded Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and lunging at President Biden waving two scimitars.
I know that sounds a little raw, but people I trust have said that if you get five episodes into “Gosar the Gosarian,” it really starts to pick up. Gosar, on this visit to Earth, chose the form of a human dentist who says he made the video to cope with his disappointment that “The Crown” was not about him. To say nothing of the disappointment experienced by Rand Paul when he realized he is no longer the scariest medical professional in Congress.
The point is, we need these men, just the way we need CMCUHS member Matt Gaetz who, although he is possibly a creepy sex trafficker, stands for family values and will link arms with Gosar and Cruz to protect us from the woke mob of fanatical vaccine birds. Unless Cruz’s daughters really need him to go Paris or something. In which case he can leave, provided he has a note from Joe Rogan.
I can hear some of you saying, “Isn’t it Big Bird’s personal decision to get vaccinated?”
That is not how it works. It is only a personal decision when you choose to get vaccinated. When Aaron Rodgers didn’t get vaccinated, that was a personal decision, following consultation with Joe Rogan, the way you’re supposed to. When Big Bird got vaccinated, he was the propaganda-spewing mind slave of Big Biden and Big Pharma. Do you know which bird wing took the needle and its agonizing pain? The right wing. That’s the libs for you. Always sticking it to the right wing.
If we’re going to get this country back on the rails, we’re going to need Gaetz and Cruz and Gosar and possibly also Kyle Rittenhouse, who we should probably be calling just plain Kyle, because he’s only a kid, an earnest, blubbering American kid who showed up at a demonstration with no intent other than to shoot anyone who seemed dangerous. And now, the libs are trying to frame Kyle for shooting three people, which technically he did, but it was a personal decision.
We need to join hands and find common ground with people who do not look like us, the way CMCUHS member Marjorie Taylor Greene did on Monday when she embraced — verbally — the Nation of Islam, which really gets it when it comes to Ivermectin and vaccination refusal. Yes, technically they would classify her as a white devil, but how about if we look past those minor differences and notice the values shared by each side, including antisemitism and homophobia? If we build on that foundation, maybe we can get past the race thing, although Greene has also made antiMuslim comments in the past. In her defense, she can’t be expected to keep all the groups she has attacked in her head. Some of them would need to go on a thumb drive.
The main thing is, we got this. If we band together, we will prevail. What we need now is some kind of “We Are the World” anthem.
Does anyone know how to get ahold of Eric Clapton?