Are we making resolutions for this year?
Editor’s note: A mother, Cindy Eastman, and her adult daughter, Annie Musso, talk through the daughter’s Stage 4 cancer together. This is the second part of an occasional series.
Cindy: I’m not so sure how excited about the new year I am. Looking back over the last, say five new years, we lost my mom and moved my dad into our home, lost my sister, had a pandemic, lost my dad, Annie got cancer, which metastasized and is now Stage
4. New Year? No thanks.
Annie: I’m feeling rather differently about the new year, but not in a negative way. Not to get too witchy but the Tarot card I pulled on a recent full moon suggested I “be in the flow.” I feel like that’s where I am — in the flow. At this point in my life, I think I am done with making traditional resolutions.
Cindy: I realize that may have sounded a little dark. Of course I’ll welcome a new year, I just want to sneak in the back door. Don’t make a fuss, just tiptoe in. Heading into the new year with a positive attitude and renewed strength sounds like a good idea, but personally I feel all evidence has been to the contrary. Making a big loud resolution is sure to get 2023’s attention, so maybe I’ll just try to take care of myself better and let it go at that.
Annie: A friend of mine recently said that she wasn’t making resolutions, she was setting intentions, and I feel like that resonated a lot more with me. So I’m borrowing it. But I also like your idea. I definitely could (and should) take better care of myself, perhaps I’ll borrow that one too. Instead of those stricter resolutions, my intentions going forward will be to make purposeful decisions and choices to improve the quality of my life, being mindful of what I put into my body so that I’m not feeding any cancer cells. I instead want to feed my cravings for travel and other experiences. But also, if I want to eat the cookie, I will eat the cookie.
Cindy: Yes, intentions sound better. In fact, I incorporate them into my own writing practice and workshops. Tiny, manageable ways to incorporate writing into your everyday life. That could be the same way to look at the new year — staying true to an intention to take better care of ourselves sounds easier than committing to a big dramatic resolution.
Annie: Not that I want to avoid accountability. I don’t want to lose that part of resolutions. Please feel free to hold me accountable! I’ve said it out loud, so now it’s real. For me, right now, my goal is to be as healthy as I can, be as cancer free as I can and be as kind to myself as I can.
Cindy: With all the challenges from the past years, I find it difficult to look ahead with optimism even as I know it’s the right thing to do. Not be in denial about anything, just be present for whatever happens in a loving and supportive way. And being present for myself in as healthy a way as possible. That’s the best way I know how to take care of you.
Annie: That optimism and being present is the thing that keeps me from potentially dark places. I don’t like “what-ifs.” If I feel good, I am good. I have to make sure I continue to not let things upset me, or stress me out, because what good will that do? Feelings that don’t serve me can be left in 2022.
Cindy: We may see the new year a little differently, but one thing I’m definitely sure of is that it’s all hands on deck. New year, new day, new attitude, new experiences … whatever it takes. Cancer is part of our new year whether we like it or not. Resolutions, intentions, responsibility … I’m in. Nothing about what we’re going through is related to anything we’ve already had happen in our lives. So — onward, I guess. And, occasionally, eat the cookie.
A friend of mine recently said that she wasn’t making resolutions, she was setting intentions, and I feel like that resonated a lot more with me. So I’m borrowing it.