Close friend fails to keep in contact
Dear Annie: For almost three years after college, I worked at a science camp in the nearby mountains yearround. I was working with a group of five other counselors, and we became incredibly close. Working together nine-plus hours a day with like-minded people who are similar in age will do that. It was very fun doing what we all loved for so long, but in the past two months, most of us have decided to move on. Of the five of us — The Fab Five! — only one still works at the camp, “Joey.” The other four of us are all at different, more classically “adult” jobs.
Though we promised to stay in touch and be just as close, it’s not been happening that way. With different schedules, commutes, relationship statuses, etc., it’s much harder to be as present in one another’s lives. The four of us who left have met up a few times, but Joey always has a reason she can’t make it. Though she says she is sad and misses us, she doesn’t offer up alternative dates or plans that would work for her. I don’t want to take it personally, but it’s hard not to think that she feels abandoned or is purposefully not coming or is mad. I’m not sure how to approach her about this. Annie, do you have any recommendations?
Counselor in Need of Counsel Dear Counselor: Take her at her word, and trust that if she values the friendship as much as you do, she will eventually reach out. Sometimes particular friendships have an ebb and flow, and that’s OK. And sometimes people grow up and apart, and that is OK, too.
Dear Annie: Recently, you printed a letter from “Paulie,” who took issue with people saying “I apologize” rather than “I’m sorry.” You have previously recommended that people read “The 5 Love Languages,” which is a great book. The author of that book has also written a book about the various “languages” of an apology, aptly titled “The 5 Languages of Apology.” It’s worth reading.
Salem, Ore., Reader
Dear Salem: Thank you so much for the reading recommendation. I did not realize that Gary Chapman (along with Jennifer Thomas) had written a book on the subject of apologizing.