Cosmopolitan (USA)

One woman. One toxic ex. One ex…orcist.

I know what you’re thinking: What kind of L. A. sh* t is this? But seriously, just listen.


hands down on the center of my body while exhaling into her face mask.

After what feels like only a few minutes ( although it’s actually been more than an hour), Stavis ends the exorcism with a lot of noise. Like a She’s hitting gongs and shaking rainsticks, which I guess is how you get evil spirits to peace the eff out? She then places a smoky white crystal ball into the palm of my hand. And I immediatel­y (truly) feel energized— like I just woke up from a productive power nap.

Oh, and before I leave, Stavis suggests I google the meaning of flies—she’d also noticed the one hovering around me.

As I drive home, my adrenaline dies down and I feel a little drunk and out of it, unsure if this thing had actually worked. When I tell my boyfriend about the experience, I can tell that he’s looking at me like I’ve reached a new level of L. A. (see, it’s not just you).

That night, I have my last—and final— dream about my ex. I am in a shopping mall and can see him there with his family and friends. I keep trying to hide from him, and just when I think I have, I turn around and we’re face- toface. I blatantly tell him to leave me alone, then wake up. That was it—and now

I feel confident I’ll never dream about him again. (So far, so good.)

There’s other stuff too: I’ve never felt more in touch with the universe or my relationsh­ip. Every morning, I wake up and think about something I’m grateful for (as recommende­d by Stavis, of course). Some days, it’s my and my boyfriend’s health; other days, it’s sauvignon blanc. But it seems I can honestly thank an exorcism for helping me actively engage in conversati­ons about an engagement versus screaming internally.

Oh, and I looked up the fly thing. Apparently, flies can send the message that “being persistent, consistent, and determined, even in the face of tragedy, will result in victory,” per a Google search that landed me on a psychic medium’s article. And since I went all the way to an exorcist and back—and am happier and more excited for love than ever before—I’d say I’m pretty fucking victorious.

 ??  ?? B y B R O O K L Y N T AY L O R * use h oly wa te r
… wolf sbane a se e po ti d o i n . I t u b
’t n d i e h s so y, kaO
Illustrati­ons by RODRIGO CORRAL
B y B R O O K L Y N T AY L O R * use h oly wa te r … wolf sbane a se e po ti d o i n . I t u b ’t n d i e h s so y, kaO Illustrati­ons by RODRIGO CORRAL

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