Her only solution to rigidly controlling husband is divorce
DEAR ABBY » I have been married three years. The man I married is not the person I fell in love with. After our wedding, he demanded that I take his last name. I am proud of my last name, and I didn't want to drop it. (If only that were the sole problem.) I am no longer allowed to go out to lunch with my friends or even to see my family unless it's on one particular day. Abby, my family means a lot to me and my friends do, too.
I don't like being controlled. I have tried talking to him about it, but he blames everything on me. He is old-fashioned, so all my time “needs” to be here at home. I have children outside of this marriage, and my husband insists he comes first, no matter what. I do not feel that way. My children always come before anyone.
How do I fix this? If I can't resolve it, it means a DIVORCE. I don't want that, but my children and my family matter, and I don't believe a couple must spend every second together.
— Controlled in Tennessee
DEAR CONTROLLED » Your husband has made clear that things are his way or the highway. He isn't going to mellow. Please take the hint, contact a lawyer and set yourself free. The alternative is to continue being treated like a hostage.
DEAR ABBY » My sister-in-law and her husband become very defensive when my wife or I try to suggest things we believe would benefit them. Not only are they not interested, but they complain that we are trying to run their lives. They tell us they are adults (both are in their mid-30s) and will live their lives the way they want. Both are stuck in low-paying jobs. They frequently ask us and other relatives for money, which we have given as we are able.
What really bothers us is the way they yell at their 4-year-old son. It has reached the point that when the parents yell at the child, the child yells back at them. I'd like to help them overcome their unwise, uncompassionate child-rearing strategy, but I'm afraid my sister-in-law will snap back that they will do as they wish. How can we approach them without becoming the bad guys?
— Wise Wife in Oregon
DEAR WIFE » Many parents become upset when others start offering parenting advice or are critical of their poor parenting styles. Your sister-in-law falls squarely in this category. Although you mean well, your suggestions will be poorly received, so take my advice and don't offer any. They are not interested. If physical abuse becomes part of their “childrearing strategy,” report them to child protective services immediately. DEAR READERS » As I reflect back on this year, I would like to wish you a happy, healthy and successful 2024. Did 2023 fly by for you as quickly as it did for me? I will join you tonight in “toasting” a new year that, I pray, will be less stressful for all of us. If you are celebrating tonight, please take measures to protect not only your own health but the safety of others. Happy New Year, everyone!
— Love, Abby
Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
The SoCal Indie Bestsellers List for the sales week ended Dec. 24 is based on reporting from the independent booksellers of Southern California, the California Independent Booksellers Alliance and IndieBound. For an independent bookstore near you, visit IndieBound.org.
HARDCOVER FICTION
1. The Heaven & Earth Grocery Store: James McBride
2. Tom Lake: Ann Patchett
3. North Woods: Daniel Mason
4. Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow: Gabrielle Zevin
5. Demon Copperhead: Barbara Kingsolver
6. Lessons in Chemistry: Bonnie Garmus
7. The Covenant of Water: Abraham Verghese
8. The Bee Sting: Paul Murray
9. Prophet Song: Paul Lynch
10. The Fraud: Zadie Smith
HARDCOVER NONFICTION
1. The Wager: A Tale of Shipwreck, Mutiny and Murder: David Grann
2. The Creative Act: A Way of Being: Rick Rubin
3. My Name Is Barbra: Barbra Streisand
4. Prequel: An American Fight Against Fascism: Rachel Maddow
“The Wager: A Tale of Shipwreck, Mutiny and Murder,” by David Grann, is the top-selling hardcover nonfiction release at Southern California’s independent bookstores.
5. Oath and Honor: A Memoir and a Warning:
Liz Cheney
6. The Woman in Me:
Britney Spears
7. The Art Thief: A True Story of Love, Crime, and a Dangerous Obsession:
Michael Finkel
8. How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen: David Brooks
9. Democracy Awakening: Notes on the State of America: Heather Cox Richardson
10. Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones: James Clear
Columnist
Agatha Christie
MASS MARKET
1. The Name of the Wind: Patrick Rothfuss
2. The Catcher in the Rye: J.D. Salinger
3. A Christmas Carol: Charles Dickens
4. Dune: Frank Herbert
5. Elvis and Me: Priscilla Presley, Sandra Harmon
6. And Then There Were None:
7. The Way of Kings: Brandon Sanderson
8. Slaughterhouse-Five: Kurt Vonnegut
9. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy: Douglas Adams
10. The Picture of Dorian Gray and Three Stories: Oscar Wilde
TRADE PAPERBACK FICTION
1. Trust: Hernan Diaz
2. The Midnight Library: Matt Haig
3. The Thursday Murder Club: Richard Osman
4. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo: Taylor Jenkins Reid
5. All the Light We Cannot See: Anthony Doerr
6. The Best American Short Stories 2023: Min Jin Lee, Heidi Pitlor, editors
7. Circe: Madeline Miller
8. My Year of Rest and Relaxation: Ottessa Moshfegh
9. Babel: R.F. Kuang
10. Normal People: Sally Rooney