Cou­ple wants only ‘classy’ PDAS

Daily Camera (Boulder) - - Puzzles - AMY DICK­IN­SON

Dear Amy: My wife and I have been hap­pily mar­ried for over 20 years. We have a ques­tion about how to han­dle an is­sue with some friends of ours.

“Jake” is 56 and “Lucy” is 52. My wife and I are 50 and 53.

Both Jake and Lucy are get­ting di­vorced af­ter hav­ing been mar­ried to their exes for over 25 years each. (Jake had a ver y poor sex life dur­ing his mar­riage.)

Jake and Lucy have been dat­ing for a cou­ple of months now. They are ver y into each other. My wife and I think this is great, but we are both un­com­fort­able with their be­hav­ior.

Lucy shares far too many in­ti­mate de­tails with my wife about her sex life. My wife says it makes her feel un­easy. Jake does the same thing with me, but to a much lesser de­gree.

An­other prob­lem is that they are all over each other like slutty teenagers in public. It gets even worse when the four of us are hang­ing out in our back­yard.

Do you have any advice on how to po­litely ask Jake and Lucy to cut out the pornog­ra­phy and set some lim­its on what are ap­pro­pri­ate ac­tions when they are to­gether in our pres­ence?

— Blinded by the Sight

Dear Blinded: I’m not sure what kind of PDA you con­sider “classy” ver­sus “slutty,” but I’m go­ing to guess that even though it’s hard to de­fine, you know it when you see it.

It is com­mon to over­share when you’re in the begin­ning stages of a com­pelling emo­tional/sex­ual re­la­tion­ship, whether you are a teenager or a mid­dleage di­vorcee. And the prob­lem with cou­ples be­hav­ing this way pub­licly is that it com­pletely ex­cludes oth­ers, turn­ing wit­nesses into an au­di­ence.

If porno­graphic dis­plays have erupted in your back­yard, your kitchen, or else­where on your prop­erty, you can good-na­turedly say a ver­sion of: “Hey, don’t make me get out the hose,” or “Whoa, get a room, you two!”

Pri­vately, you and your wife should hon­estly tell your (re­spec­tive) friends, “We are so happy for you. It is ob­vi­ous that you are re­ally into each other, but some of the con­ver­sa­tion about your sex­ual re­la­tion­ship and some of the more graphic public dis­plays of af­fec­tion are mak­ing me un­com­for ta­ble.”

Dear Amy: I have drawn and painted for most of my life. I re­cently drew a pic­ture of my beau­ti­ful daugh­ter.

She seemed to be de­lighted when she saw it. I did not hear much from her about it, so I asked her how her hus­band liked it. She told me that he said he thought the draw­ing looked like me. Not a ver y flat­ter­ing com­ment, but hon­est.

I de­cided I would like the draw­ing back since it pleased me, and they did not seem to want to hang it. She said she wanted to keep it. Then they put it in their guest­house, which is sep­a­rate from their res­i­dence.

I am OK with the fact they do not like the draw­ing. Not ever yone likes the same type of ar t, but I would like to have my draw­ing back, since it means more to me than to them. Is it a prob­lem if I ask for my draw­ing back?

— Ar tist

Dear Artist: When your son-in-law re­marked that the draw­ing looked like you, it doesn’t seem to have oc­curred to you that you and your daugh­ter re­sem­ble one an­other, and that this might be a thought­ful (and flat­ter­ing) com­ment.

You should not ask for this gift back. Fur­ther­more, you are way too sen­si­tive to share your art with oth­ers. I hope you will en­joy your hobby pri­vately.

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