Daily Camera (Boulder)

Wed­ding brings on in-law ex­clu­sion

- AMY DICK­IN­SON Lifestyle · Good News · Family · Gossip

Dear Amy: My niece’s brother-in-law, “Bradley,” will be get­ting mar­ried later this year.

My niece, “Kate,” is mar­ried to Bradley’s brother.

All of Bradley’s si­b­lings and their spouses have been asked to be in the bridal party, ev­ery­one ex­cept for Kate.

Kate’s hus­band is in his brother’s party, but her fu­ture sis­ter-in-law, “Julie,” has ex­cluded Kate.

Kate in­cluded Julie in her wed­ding party sev­eral years ago.

Kate can think of noth­ing that would have of­fended Julie.

How should Kate han­dle this up­com­ing wed­ding?

Dear Sad Aunt: In the movie ver­sion, “Kate” would at­tend the wed­ding, get roar­ing drunk at the re­cep­tion, and then de­liver the roasty-toast of the cen­tury.

Movie pitch aside, if ev­ery sin­gle sib­ling and spouse has been in­cluded in the wed­ding party, this ex­clu­sion does seem of­fk­il­ter. How­ever, the fact that Kate in­cluded “Julie” in her own wed­ding does not ob­li­gate Julie to re­cipro-kate.

Ide­ally, Julie would have an­tic­i­pated this chal­lenge and ex­plained her de­ci­sion to Kate — gen­tly and re­spect­fully — in ad­vance of her an­nounce­ment.

Kate might be able to tease out a gra­cious ex­pla­na­tion by ask­ing Julie, “I ac­cept your de­ci­sion not to ask me to be part of the wed­ding party, but I want to make sure — are you and I OK?”

She should add, “Please, let me know if there is any way I can be help­ful as you get closer to the date.”

Kate should at­tend this wed­ding, be a gra­cious guest, and have a good time.

Dear Amy: Ev­ery sum­mer and fall, fam­ily mem­bers gather at a beach house about an hour from my home.

Be­cause there are not enough bed­rooms in the house, my hus­band and I sleep in an open loft, just above the kitchen and liv­ing room.

I’m a light sleeper, and I get only a few hours of shut-eye, due to the nat­u­ral ac­tiv­ity from both the night owls and chil­dren ris­ing early.

With chronic health con­di­tions, I’d pre­fer to sleep in my own home and re­turn to the beach house for day and evening ac­tiv­i­ties, but I’m afraid this would be seen as rude.

Fam­ily is im­por­tant, but so is my health. What do you rec­om­mend?

Dear Sleep-de­prived: You are re­spon­si­ble for tak­ing care of your­self and see­ing to your own needs. No one else can do that for you.

You have two rea­son­able choices: To ask for a bed­room with a door, or to drive home each night.

I can­not imag­ine that any­one would be af­fronted if — af­ter many years — you de­cided to make a change and stop sleep­ing in the loft.

In fact, if you chose to re­turn to your home and sleep in your own bed each night, your fel­low fam­ily mem­bers might ac­tu­ally be happy to have more sleep­ing space avail­able in the group house. And you could show up in the morn­ings with fresh bagels/ donuts/cof­fee for the group.

Just make sure you aren’t tired and/or ine­bri­ated when you drive home.

 ??  ??
 ??  ??

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA