Nine Murphy’s laws of home improvement and remodel projects
Try as you will to control the process, there will always be unplanned things that occur when you do home improvement or remodel projects. These are the Murphy’s laws that you can’t avoid. Instead of being frustrated by these occurrences, it’s best to accept them and try to maintain your sanity. Here are nine of which to be aware:
If you are doing a potentially messy project (such as painting), you will only ruin clothes or shoes if they are nice ones. If you wear clothes that are in tatters, no damage will occur. This law also applies to your home: If you are going to replace old, gross carpet, you will never spill paint on it. But if you have new carpet, chances are high you will do so.
Once you improve one part of your home, other parts that previously looked okay will now suddenly appear much uglier or shabbier. This is like an older person who makes their face flawless with Botox, only to have their neck now look 30 years older.
When ordering products, approximately 15 percent (or more) of things will arrive damaged. These will be the most heavy and awkward products that are both hard to repackage and mail back, and require the longest lead times to once again get. Chances are you will also hurt a part of your body doing so, requiring six weeks of physical therapy.
The minute you are done remodeling or decorating in the latest style or color, the powers that be will inform the world that this look is now deemed passé. This is sometimes confused with the “You Just Can’t Win No Matter What” law.
A project will always grow 20 to 500 percent larger. Example: You decide to replace a crumbling cement path in your backyard with a flagstone one. In a state of remodel enthusiasm, you decide that it also makes sense to add the flagstone patio, fire pit and hot tub you have always wanted. However, this logic fails to take into account the invoices that will arrive afterward, causing you great stress. (Good thing you have an unpaid-for hot tub in which to relax.)
Bad things will occur at the time that is most inconvenient to you. For instance: After your old hot water heater has been hauled away, your contractor will discover that the parts needed to install your new one will take a month to acquire. It’s February and minus five degrees.
As soon as you are done remodeling you will wish you had done approximately 20 percent of things a bit differently. This law is similar to the “Hindsight is 20/20” law, though with more angst and regret.
For some incomprehensible reason, the final teeny punch list to complete your remodel will never get done. That is why it’s called a punch list: It makes you want to punch something in frustration.
Six months after remodeling, you will forget how painful a process it was. You will highly recommend it to a friend who has a stressful job, small children, a shaky marriage and a limited budget. That friend will decide to remodel, curse you during the process, but then forget about this six months after their remodel is complete.