Upset MIL might not foot wedding bill

DEAR AMY » My daughter became engaged last week. We are thrilled and like “Steve” a lot.

She said, “Steve wants a traditional Catholic wedding. His family also wants alcohol served.”

We are a Christian family and attend church every Sunday (which Steve has attended with us). Steve and his family do not attend Mass regularly.

I blurted out, “That can’t happen.”

She said she has no preference, and always thought she would have an outdoor wedding.

Her father died a few years ago, and I have no expectation they would get married in our church, but I am totally against it in a Catholic church.

Also, in our close and conservative family, we do not drink alcohol.

I was thinking a neutral location would be better.

Does it matter that I will be paying for the wedding? Do I have to pay for the alcohol provided at the reception?

— Future MIL

DEAR FUTURE MIL » Your views and comments regarding a Catholic wedding are blatantly prejudiced, as well as unkind.

It is important for you to recognize that this wedding is NOT about you. It is about your daughter and her future husband.

If you had demonstrated the grace to stay silent during this preplanning phase, and simply let the couple openly explore their ideas in their own way, they would learn on their own that a Catholic ceremony might not be possible for them, for a variety of reasons that would be explained by the priest. Do not interfere.

In my opinion, you owe your daughter and her fiance an apology for your reaction, and a promise that you will do your best to listen without interfering as they excitedly describe their plans.

Do let them know that you have a definite budget for footing the bill, and if there are parameters surrounding it, you should be honest. If you don’t want to pay for any aspect of this reception, including the alcohol — then don’t!

DEAR AMY » I recently read a letter from a preschool teacher who gives

each student a copy of the book she reads to them every day.

I don’t think anyone other than a teacher or the student getting that beautiful gift, realizes the impact of the gesture.

In first grade, my son’s teacher made handbeaded animals and gave each child their favorite animal for their birthday.

As he climbed into his booster seat, he put his birthday turtle into the cupholder of the door. Whenever we got a new car, it was placed in the same place.

My son is now 29 and that beaded turtle is now in the cupholder in his car. Sometimes we just don’t realize that the little gestures of kindness are carried with us along our life’s path. — Mom with Memories

DEAR MOM » Sometimes, kindness is carried on the back of a hand-made turtle.