Florida vs. Boston: Distance stirs stress and trouble in relationship

I’m a clean-cut, middle-aged gay guy living in a midsized city in Florida. My partner of six years lives in Boston. We have a great long-distance relationship. He’s a wonderful man, and we love each other. We’d like to marry and live together someday.

Here’s the problem: He doesn’t want to move to Florida, and I’m a bit hesitant about moving to Boston. My partner has lived in Boston his entire life and has a ton of friends there. His job, though lousy, has good benefits. But if I move there, it would be a hardship unless we lived together, since I’m on disability. And then he’d be stuck paying most of the rent. I also hate bigcity traffic and crowds. And while I don’t mind cold weather, I cannot deal with snow.

I have told my partner that my town has a booming economy and a lot of places are hiring. How can I convince him to move to Florida? Or should I move to Boston?

— Florida Guy

Pressuring someone to move to a location where they don’t want to be is never a good idea. Although, since winters in Boston generally include a tremendous amount of snow, your partner may decide on his own that he’d like to move to a warmer locale, in which case, your problem is solved. Otherwise, please don’t insist on it. And of course, there is always the possibility that moving in together would have a negative effect. Some people do better in long-distance relationships.

Have the two of you discussed all the pros and cons? Don’t be afraid to mention your concerns and talk about them in practical, honest terms.

Does he understand the financial hardship moving would be for you? Would he support you without resenting it? Does he have any interest in moving to Florida at a later date? Are you willing to wait? We hope you can work out some type of compromise, but please understand that what you have now could be the best you get.

We have become a society with a beggar’s mentality. While driving through our small town, I approached a red light. There stood people with buckets asking for money to help send their kids’ ecology class to Honduras.

This is not the first time I have noticed such begging. I’ve seen kids ask for help to send the dance team to regionals, or to help the senior class have a great prom.

When my kids were younger and their baseball team required money, they either sold candy or held car washes to raise funds. They didn’t stand on street corners and beg someone else to enable them to have a good time. Why do parents think it is OK to ask me to pay for their kid’s activities? I don’t know their kids.

— Fed Up

We agree that there is entirely too much expectation that others will pay for unnecessary perks that kids ought to be earning for themselves. And it isn’t only school projects. Adults do this, too, often online.

But asking and receiving are two different things. Many people don’t mind contributing, especially if they believe the cause is worthy.

And if you don’t, keep your wallet closed and your windows rolled up. You are not obligated to participate in the fundraising.

Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar were longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to anniesmailbox@ comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mailbox, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd St., Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.