Busy, not anti-social
Iam doing graduate work online for professional development in my field. The courses require a lot of reading. My manager approves of my course of study, but our organization’s policies do not allow eating lunch at the desk, because of the possibility of getting food in the computer keyboards. I bring my lunch to work rather than go to a restaurant, not only because of the cost but also because of food allergies. I need to use my lunch hour for reading my textbooks.
The lunchroom is the only place where I can eat in the office. At lunch, the rest of the staff gathers in there, gossips and shares pictures and videos (think baby pictures and kitten videos). Because I do not want to seem rude by ignoring the gossip and kitten videos, I have been driving off-site at lunch, to a nearby shopping center parking lot, and eating lunch and studying in my parked car. However, that takes extra time. I would like to just be able to eat and read my textbook while the others are gossiping and sharing their pictures and videos.
My co-workers know about my graduate work, and no one has put me down for it, but I am concerned that ignoring their gossip and kitten videos for a textbook in their presence might be construed as rude. So I ask you: Is it rude to study at noon in the office lunchroom?
— Bookworm
Don’t worry your wellread head. Your co-workers all understand that you’re completing graduate work, and they should be supportive of your study habits. To prevent anyone from taking your focused reading the wrong way, offer a disclaimer, such as: “I promise I’m not trying to be rude by ignoring everyone. I just need to buckle down and get some work done. But please feel free to talk and hang out here as normal.” I would recommend using noisecanceling headphones and white-noise (or binaural beats) apps to help you get in the studying headspace no matter your physical space.
I am overwhelmed by my husband’s sister. We are in our mid-70s, and I have been in the family for 30 years. Not once have I ever been invited to her main home or vacation home (nor have I ever stepped foot in her homes), yet she has been in my home for lavish meals on countless occasions. She has also dined in restaurants with her husband and us at our expense. As children of the South, we were taught that when you accept an invitation in polite society, it is understood you then reciprocate. If you’re not willing to reciprocate, you shouldn’t accept the invitation.
She has always been as well-off financially as my husband and I are. I am shocked at her continued feeling of entitlement. My husband thinks the way she treats me is OK. Why? I am very angry with both of them.
— Child of the South
It sounds as if someone missed her lessons with Emily Post. It’s not just Southern hospitality that encourages people to be welcoming and thoughtful to guests. It is common decency, and your sister-in-law has worn through your hospitality. You should ask your husband what is going on. It makes no sense that all invitations go one way. Until you get to the bottom of it, you should hold off on inviting them back to your house.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book — featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette — is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http:// www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.
ACROSS
1 Sleight of hand? 5 Like pie? 11 Tennis stroke 14 Name on the 1949 “Death of a Salesman” playbill 15 Bug on the road? 16 Common cause
of conflict 17 “The Karate Kid,”
e.g. 20 Guide for surfers 21 Gray shades 22 Be of service to 23 Org. with
traveling bans? 25 One hanging around a lifeguard tower 29 Studio once run by Howard Hughes 32 1958 Pulitzer
author James 33 D.C. figures 34 Some museum
art 36 16th-century
council site 38 Unspecified
degree 39 Footnote abbr. 40 Nasal partitions 41 “... or so it
may __” 43 Unadulterated 44 Slangy okay 45 Ice cream named after a Canadian river 48 Quite a lot 50 Address in a
mess 51 Confront
aggressively 53 Swears 57 2013 Hudson’s Bay Company acquisition 60 “... exclaim, __ he drove out of sight”: Moore 61 Sign with an
arrow 62 Start to giver or
taker 63 Befitting 64 Hazmat team
members, often 65 Tae __ do
DOWN
1 Atlas display 2Et__ 3 Dust bunny
component 4 Achieved some
progress 5 Rubber eraser,
for one 6 Go slowly 7 Sargasso Sea
spawner 8 Pac. cousin 9 Christian in
cinema 10 Ambiguous
answer 11 Little big cat 12 Mythical monster 13 First and last word of a common fourword saw 18 Dr. Skoda on
“Law & Order” 19 Bathing spot 23 Popular online
lists 24 Discussed, with
“over” 25 Mark 26 Come to terms 27 Daddy
Warbucks, e.g. 28 Former Mormon leader Ezra Taft __ 30 Actress Knightley 31 Blender brand 35 “Nosebleed
seats” section 37 Supposes to be 42 Loses temporarily 46 Bodega patron 47 European capital 49 Fortune 500
listings: Abbr. 51 Sailing 52 Complain 53 Really good, in
’90s slang 54 Rodents do it 55 Money in la
banque 56 Treated by the
doctor 58 Four-wk. period,
usually 59 Minimum for
many games