Shut out of daughter’s life

DEAR ANNIE >> My daughter and sonin-law moved from Pennsylvania, where I live, to North Carolina to be close to his family. They moved without giving me any real notice. My daughter had mentioned they might be moving, but I did not find out for sure until the day before they moved.

That was eight years ago. Because I am poor and a widow, I have had little to no contact with the kids. The one trip I did make cost me $1,000.

They can afford almost yearly Disney trips. During the eight years, they have only visited me once — spending an hour with me, and I paid for dinner. I asked what they were doing the next day, and they said they had to return to North Carolina.

I found out later that they spent the next day in Pennsylvania at Hershey Park. I feel like they don’t want me in those kids’ lives.

They now have a little girl who is 7 years old, and she barely knows me. The same is true for all their kids. Yet my daughter’s mother-inlaw, who lives in North Carolina, sees them all the time.

Also, I found out, to my adamant objection, that the little girl wears makeup, lipstick, nail polish and God only knows what else. I swear, the mother-in-law wants this 7-year-old pregnant as soon as possible. The mother-in-law seems to have money and basically pays all their bills. I never raised my daughter to be that way, so I can’t figure it out.

Anyway, the kids are getting older every day, and I have missed out on so much with them. I really am beginning to hate my daughter and son-in-law for moving to be where the mother-inlaw is. I hate the motherin-law for babying those two and not letting them grow up. Am I wrong?

— Disgusted with Choices

DEAR DISGUSTED WITH CHOICES >>

I think you are more hurt than disgusted. And that hurt is turning into anger, judgment and jealousy. The way your daughter and son-in-law have treated you is not right. It would hurt any grandmother to be shut out of their children’s, and grandchildren’s, lives the way you have been. The only thing you can control is how you react to their hurtful actions. The best way is to forgive them, not for their sake, but for your own. Let go of the past, and move forward. Now is the time to try to have a relationship with them by asking for one. But leave the criticism of their parenting at the door.

The only thing you can control is how you react to their hurtful actions. The best way is to forgive them, not for their sake, but for your own. Let go of the past, and move forward. Now is the time to try to have a relationship with them by asking for one. But leave the criticism of their parenting at the door.