Be realistic about the age of people you want to date

DEAR NANCY» I’ve now been divorced for almost a year, so I’ve started dating online. I am appalled at the age of the men who write me – yuck! I am young looking, very active and fit, and young at heart for 52. I actually want a younger man – more like 45 – and although I’ve written many men, I’ve only heard from those 55 and older! I am not interested in dating an older man. Help!

Nina - 52 – Exton DEAR NINA» It is true; most men throughout time have wanted younger women. My advice to both men and women is to recognize that age is truly just a number and instead to focus on your date’s health, fitness, genetics, lifestyle, and attitude. I advise my female clients to try dating older men and focus on asking them pertinent questions concerning their health. I would also like to remind you that those men who are 45 are likely to have very young or school-age children. Is that what you really want?

Also, many women come to me promising they look “at least 10 years younger” but they don’t. Too often, I find women have a lofty opinion of themselves and are not being realistic. They are expecting men 10 years younger to be interested in them; my response is: “when pigs fly…!”

Please take comfort in knowing that so many of my clients finally do come around to recognizing that age is just a number, and find out that there are a lot of fabulous older men who are just as active, healthy and young at heart. DEAR NANCY» I started dating this nice woman that I met online. She is very cute and fun, but I found it rude when on our last date to a museum she just meandered on to the next room without waiting for me. The odd thing is that she is actually very sweet. I’m not trying to be so bothered by it, but I really am. I did ask her out again, but now I’m not so sure I want to keep dating her. Am I being stupid, or do you have any suggestions?

Fred – 46 – Wayne DEAR FRED» This is a great question because it’s a similar issue for many of my clients, both male and female. So often, my clients come to me and share that they really liked their date, but that one thing really bothered them. As usual, when I ask them if they addressed the issue, my clients shake their head no.

So often, we forget that our dates have been single for awhile and most are used to doing things on their own, including going to a museum. Thus, it makes sense that she would be very comfortable being by herself and not think to stay by your side. From now on, I suggest that you stay present on your dates and bring up issues as they come up. For instance, when you were in the museum together and she started wandering off, I feel that if you had followed her and politely asked her if she would please stay with you, and you could both alternate choosing which rooms to explore, that she would have probably acquiesced.

I think you would fare better in all your relationships if you addressed issues as they arose. So, instead of presuming your date is rude or doesn’t want to be with you, politely ask her. Additionally, my clients admit they are usually way off base as to why their dates did what they did, and thus they’ve learned to keep asking questions and being honest about their needs and desires. Here’s to speaking up!

Please feel free to write Nancy with your relationship question at allaboutconnecting@gmail.com. She looks forward to hearing from you! Nancy Plummer is the president and founder of All About Connecting - a personal dating, matchmaker and relationship coaching service. Contact her at allaboutconnecting@gmail.com or visit www.allaboutconnecting. com.