Here’s 10 tax deductions NJ needs to combat Trump’s tax plan

If you’re a New Jersey homeowner, President Donald Trump is attempting to ruin your financial life. Simple as that.

How? Welp, based on the tax reform plan he laid out last week (on the back of a cocktail napkin, I think), you would not be allowed to deduct state and local taxes from your federal tax bill. In short: No more property tax deduction.

The average New Jerseyan would stand to lose $3,500 in this scenario, according to the Tax Policy Center. That’s the average. Not just the homeowners. Obviously, if you own a home, you’d stand to lose more.

Will this pass? Who knows. But we need to stand together on this. Call and write your representatives, demand they fight against this plan.

But we also need a backup. We need to be able to recoup our losses if the Trump Tax Tragedy goes through. So herewith is a 10-item list that we New Jerseyans should be able to write off our taxes. It just makes good sense.

1) Pork roll: Obviously. But I don’t want to be greedy here; a married couple, filing jointly, can only deduct up to $500 in pork roll expenses.

2) “What Exit?” jokes from out-of-towners: I think it’s fair to deduct $100 for each time someone unleashes this chestnut. I also think we should be allowed to kick them in their montanas, if you catch my drift, which you do.

3) Pizza: I may already be deducting pizza. I need to check with my accountant, Tom A. Topie. 3a) Read it again. Tom A. Topie. 4) Time spent waiting to get your gas tank filled while the guy working the tanks is busy talking to his cousin in some far flung dusty village via Bluetooth: OK fine this one might be a stretch and a gross generalization, but … not really, right? Modern-day gas station attendants from third world countries clearly have the BEST cell phone plans. No other explanation.

5) Beach tags: All kidding aside, how is this not a deduction already?

6) Boardwalk games: It’s gambling, right? And you’re allowed to deduct gambling expenses from gambling winnings, so I see no reason why you shouldn’t be allowed to write off losses playing the shoot the water into the clown’s mouth and pop the balloon game. Or the throw a ring on a soda bottle game. Or even the spin the wheel game.

6a) And what the hell with the cost of boardwalk games? When I was a kid, they cost a quarter. Now everything is at least two dollars. It’s clearly outpaced inflation. There should be a congressional investigation.

7) Health expenses related to navigating the Whitehorse Circle while it’s under construction: Forget the whiplash and broken bones; I’m talking about the mental pain and suffering attached to this disaster. I can only imagine offices of Hamilton psychologists are overflowing with drivers.

8) Six Flags Great Adventure season passes: It really is a good deal, but still, it would seem like a prime candidate for a write off. Should count toward child care, no?

9) Bruce Springsteen merchandise: From CDs to concert tickets, everything Bruce-related should be a write-off because — and I don’t know if you’re aware of this — it’s illegal to not be a Springsteen fan if you live in New Jersey. Law passed in 1978. You can look it up. And lastly, 10) Those short-shorts they sell down the shore for women with things like “Sweet Cheeks” written in neon on the backside: This may be more of a personal thing, now that I’ve written it down and thought about it for a moment.