Create game plan to avoid ‘possession paralysis’

By all accounts, downsizing can be a physically exhausting activity. Lifting cartons of books, sorting through old boxes in the attic, reaching for longforgotten mixing bowls on the upper most shelves of kitchen cabinets and wrestling with obsolete televisions or computer equipment can give even the healthiest of people sore limbs and aching joints. But there’s another painful side of downsizing that could be worse than a temporary bad back. That’s the emotional side of downsizing.

The need to downsize often triggers an intense feeling of being overwhelmed because of the sheer enormity of needing to decide where and how to start the process and what to do with all the stuff. This is especially true for those who have lived in large homes for decades. Sometimes this sense of being “stuck in stuff” produces such anxiety that it causes individuals to defer eliminating their unneeded, unwanted and disliked contents and perhaps even postpone making a move.

The New York Times refers to this feeling as “possession paralysis.” When confronted with the need to downsize for whatever reason, it helps to have a plan in mind that will make the process of removing items more systematic, logical and organized. Start with small, manageable tasks that can be completed in a short amount of time. For example, look through the contents of a drawer. Keep the items that are important, donate other items that are still usable and discard anything that is broken, soiled, chipped or out of date. By collecting small successes, a sense of accomplishment is achieved, which inspires and motivates the person to continue to downsize.

If the items that are cluttering spare bedrooms, attics and garages do not belong to you but rather to family members, it may be time to give an action ultimatum to the owners. Firmly advise your 50-yearold children that their college textbooks and prom dresses need to be removed by a particular date or they will be discarded for them.

In addition to feeling overwhelmed with all the stuff, separation anxiety is also a powerful and crippling emotion that is commonly experienced. When one has an emotional attachment to items — large or small, simple or ornate, cracked or flawless — making decisions to move those items along can abruptly stop. Selecting and saving a sampler of treasures and placing them in an attractive memory box that is representative of a collection could be an option. That’s where the selected love letters, birthday cards, valentines and an extra special Mother’s Day potholder, made by a 5-year-old child, can be lovingly placed and saved for another day.

And let’s not forget the guilt that many experience when decisions need to be made about the beloved treasures that had belonged to their spouses, parents and grandparents. Some find comfort in photographing special items before letting them go. Karen Kingston, a British clutter expert, suggests, “Accept the love that was given with the gift but let the physical item go.”

Another alternative could be to offer these prized possessions to family members or friends who may appreciate having them. By hosting a “gifting” party, a sad and emotional task could be turned into a fun time, with laughter and smiles replacing tears.

A woman, who had just moved into a retirement community, recently recounted that she cried while she was downsizing, but she didn’t shed a single tear when she left her house for the last time because she was ready. She selected her treasures wisely, gifted well and was now ready to move on.

Marlene Stocks is the owner of Senior Transition Services, a senior move management company based in Huntingdon Valley. As a certified senior move manager, Stocks provides her clients and their families “peace of mind” by managing every detail of the client’s move, as well as their content removal needs. Senior Transition Services has proudly served 750 families in the five-county area and South Jersey since 2008. For more information, visit SeniorTransition-Services.com or call 215-947-5490.