High-maintenance mom is not grown daughter's problem
My mother and I have a relationship that isn't healthy. I know that may make me seem like a terrible person, but hear me out.
I was never “allowed” to be a child. For as long as I can remember, I have taken care of her because she refuses to grow up. My father wasn't in the picture. I thought that when I grew up and moved out, she would make some lifestyle changes, but she never did. I'm constantly having to put my life and plans on hold to cater to her needs.
She won't keep a job, she's an alcoholic and, above all, she has it in her mind that she's been a great mother and now it's her time to “live for herself.” Abby, she's the most selfish person I have ever known!
My fiance and I are trying to embark on a life of our own, but I can't move ahead because I'm constantly worrying about her. I love her, but I can't keep this up or I will never be able to live my life.
— Making Changes
in South Carolina
It may take the help of a licensed mental health professional to separate emotionally from your mother. She has not only turned you into HER parent, she appears to be in denial about two things — her parental abilities and her drinking. You cannot resolve these issues for her.
You and your fiance should ABSOLUTELY start concentrating on the life you are trying to build together, and do it as geographically distant from her as you can manage. This is called “emancipation,” and do not expect her to like you for doing it.
DEAR ABBY >> My husband and I attended a party at the home of one of my co-workers. There were about 15 guests. The problem was the homeowner's pets — two dogs that live inside. The dogs were allowed to roam freely during the party.
They barked each time a guest knocked or rang the doorbell and jumped on each person who entered. They hovered at people's feet waiting for food to drop or to be given to them. It felt like we were expected to pet the animals and interact with them whether we wanted to or not. The homeowner made no attempt to control the dogs or keep them away from any of the guests.
I don't dislike animals, but I don't want other people's pets jumping on my clothes, trying to lick me or getting close to my food. Two large wire kennels were visible along a front hallway, which I assume are used during the day while the homeowner is away at work. What would have been the polite way to ask my co-worker to put the dogs in their kennels or out in the garage while the guests were eating?
— Likes Pets, But ...
To an animal lover, a pet is a member of the family. Your co-worker obviously saw nothing wrong with his/her dogs mingling with the guests. There is no polite way to ask a host to put a family member in the garage during a party. Telling your co-worker that you found the pets' behavior disruptive may solve your problem, because he/she will probably omit you from future guest lists.
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HARDCOVER FICTION
1. Fairy Tale:
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3. The Bullet That Missed: Richard Osman
4. Lessons: Ian McEwan
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6. Less Is Lost: 7. Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow:
8. Carrie Soto Is Back: Taylor Jenkins Reid
9. Lessons in Chemistry:
10. Nona the Ninth:
HARDCOVER NONFICTION
1. I'm Glad My Mom Died: Jennette McCurdy
2. The Divider: Trump in the White House, 20172021: Peter Baker, Susan Glasser
3. Starry Messenger: Cosmic Perspectives on Civilization: 4. Dinners With Ruth: A Memoir on the Power
“The Divider: Trump in the White House, 2017-2021” is among the top-selling nonfiction releases at Southern California's independent bookstores.
of Friendships:
5. Crying in H Mart: A Memoir: Michelle Zauner
6. Solito: A Memoir: 7. What If? 2: Additional Serious Scientific Answers to Absurd Hypothetical Questions:
Battle to Save America:
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3. 1984: George Orwell
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5. American Gods: Neil
6. The Count of Monte Cristo: Alexandre Dumas
7. A Plague of Giants:
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TRADE PAPERBACK FICTION
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4. The Song of Achilles:
5. It Ends with Us:
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8. The Best Short Stories 2022: The O. Henry Prize Winners:
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Moon Alert: After 1 a.m. today, there are no restrictions to shopping or important decisions. The moon is in Capricorn.
Happy birthday for Sunday, Oct. 2, 2022: You have intellectual interests, and many of you are well read. You are charming, easygoing and cooperative. Other people like and respect you. This is a good time to take inventory of your life and let go of people, places and property that might be holding you back.
Aries (March 21-April 19): \*\*\*\* You are high-viz today. Fortunately, you look good! Relations with friends, partners and spouses are warm and friendly. Good news! The goofy mistakes and miscommunications at work will now diminish. Tonight: Focus on relationships.
Taurus (April 20-May 20): \*\*\*\* Travel plans look promising! Ditto for involvement in publishing, the media, medicine or the law. Training or education might expand your world in ways that benefit both your health and your job. Tonight: Work. Gemini (May 21-June 20): \*\*\*\* The wealth of someone else (a partner?) or money back from the government might help you pay for a vacation or some fun socializing. This assistance (practical or financial) also might benefit your kids in some way. Tonight: Play! Cancer (June 21-July 22): \*\*\* Today you will enjoy schmoozing with others; however, keep in mind that you will have to go more than halfway when dealing with others, because the moon is opposite your sign today. No worries. Tonight: Cocoon.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): \*\*\*\* This is a productive day. You also might boost your health in a positive way. You might enjoy interactions with a pet more than usual. If you can take a short trip or explore more of your daily world, this will please you. Tonight: Busy conversations.
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Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov.
21): \*\*\* Short trips, errands, appointments and opportunities to study or learn something new will be par for the course today. Basically, you're curious and restless today. This is why you want to do something different — see new places and meet new faces. Tonight: Research.
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Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): \*\*\*\* Today your luck is a tiny bit better than all the other signs because the moon is in your sign; furthermore, it is dancing with lucky, moneybags Jupiter and fair Venus. Both those planets are associated with money. Trust your good fortune. Tonight: a public romance?
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Pisces (Feb. 19-March 20): \*\*\* Financial discussions with a friend or perhaps a group will go well today. Possibly, these discussions are not about money per se, but about something that you own. Maybe you are willing to lend something to a group or to a person. Tonight: Check your finances.