Stress, support in caregiving
are key. It’s also important to have a conversation with family and the loved one being cared for upfront. Pose questions such as: What are your family member’s end-of-life preferences? As a caretaker, what do you need to have a high-quality life yourself?
“The point is to have a conversation with the person (being cared for) or the family members to come up with a plan that takes into account (their needs) as well as the skill sets in the family, so it’s really a team-based approach,” Accius said. “This is an issue that cuts across ideology, class, income, race — the whole nine yards. There’s an army of people — an organization of resources — out there to support you, and we want to meet you where you are.”
Brown said it’s smart to look for resources on “your best day” — a time when help is least needed. She offers five things to keep in mind during the journey.
“If you are struggling, it’s not because you are failing. It’s because what you’re doing is really hard.”
If you need help and aren’t sure where to start, reach out to your doctor, local area agency on aging, a disease-specific organization like the Alzheimer’s Association, a social service agency like United Way or your employer’s Employee Assistance Program.
If the doctor you contact can’t offer suggestions, nudge him or her to create a list of resources. Tell the doctor and staff, “I know I’m not the only one. … You’ll be doing us all an amazing service.”
Find ways to relax. “If we can find even just a few minutes in our day to release the worries, even if it’s just for five minutes to relax, that can help us,” Brown said.
Make self-care a priority. “We have a tendency to think that we’re not doing enough,” she said. “I think it’s important for us to sit still for a few minutes every day and know that we are doing enough — that our work and our caring and our love is enough.” AARP’s Resource Center also offers a guide for firsttime caregivers and 24/7 support hotlines: 877-3335885 for English, 888-9712013 for Spanish.