Parents bugging you about having kids?
Q: You and your partner are not planning to have children. Your parents expect grandkids. Should you tell them?
A: The most important thing for a couple to understand is that they are not required to explain anything. However, the level of explanation is connected to the value and quality of the relationship with their parents.
If your parents have been asking about the arrival of grandchildren, give an update, but you don’t need to offer a huge explanation. Say, “We’ve settled that we are not having kids, but thank you for caring about us and asking.”
Being clear and deliberate in delivering the news is more important than being hostile, angry and aggressive. Make it really clear that this isn’t a group decision, and if your parents push back, say, “We love you, but we’re very clear on this, and it’s not a committee decision.”
Tell your parents that you appreciate their desire for grandchildren, but emphasize that you and your partner are the ones who get to make this decision.
— Cadmona A. Hall, licensed marriage and family therapist
A: Couples are not obligated to tell their parents, but I do believe that telling their parents shows respect and consideration.
Couples should emphasize that they understand how their parents feel and affirm their parents’ desire to be grandparents. But couples should also express their need to make their own decisions. A couple can ask their parents to accept this decision, not necessarily agree with it.
Set boundaries if parents continue to apply pressure. The couple can say, “Please refrain from this subject. It makes us uncomfortable.” Sometimes the parents will need time for the disap-
pointment to subside. and organized as the Parkland kids, see their tragedies and demands ignored by media-makers and politicians alike.
This is a story just a year in. For all of their bluster and effectiveness, the children at the core of Parkland are still young people damaged by an act of horrific violence, savaged by an unforgiving and ideological conservative media, and sometimes sniped at and shunned by their peers. How will that change them? Cullen doesn’t quite get there, perhaps because the students themselves haven’t gotten there yet. Cullen’s tale, though, makes you hopeful for what might come next. Optimism about the future: It’s a strange feeling. And the story is the story of a carefully planned rebellion. Jill Filipovic is the author of “The H-Spot: The Feminist Pursuit of Happiness” and a New America Future of War fellow.