Sailor learns value of mental health help
Son born with rare genetic condition
VIRGINIA BEACH — Joe Hawthorne already had a full plate when his wife, Erin, was pregnant with their second child.
He was gearing up for qualifications as a Navy diver at Joint Expeditionary Base Little Creek, volunteering as a diver at the Virginia Aquarium, finishing his associate’s degree and helping care for their young daughter, Ellie. Managing it all was difficult. But it soon got harder than he ever could have imagined.
His son, Declan, was born in 2015 with a rare genetic condition called Mowat-Wilson syndrome. Major signs of the disorder can include distinctive facial features, intellectual disability, delayed development and an intestinal disorder, according to the National Institute of Health.
Not even a day old, Declan had to be rushed to neonatal intensive care unit at the Children’s Hospital of the King’s Daughter in Norfolk after he started vomiting. His stomach was distended and an X-ray revealed there was an obstruction preventing bowel movements.
“I didn’t sleep all night,” Erin Hawthorne said. “My anxiety was through the roof.”
Joe Hawthorne kept vigil over his son over the next three weeks, and that was just the beginning as the hospital would become all too familiar.
Anytime Declan got a stomach virus, he’d have to go back. It happened every few months for two years. Declan had a surgery to remove a colostomy bag only to have it ultimately put back in.
At work, Hawthorne put on a brave face. He got the job done. But it was a different story on the inside.
“I didn’t really talk about it a lot. I’d kind of come to work, show my happy face, keep my personal life out of work,” he said. “I held it all in. To me, I thought I was doing OK. I was trying to show everyone I was doing OK. But inside it was really hard.”
The stress Hawthorne was under didn’t go unnoticed. His boss suggested he talk to someone about what was going on in his life.
Since 2011, the Navy has embedded mental health professionals in units at Navy Expeditionary Combat Command. Similar programs exist in the submarine and special warfare communities.
When he didn’t go the first time, his boss mentioned it again. And then again. Finally in 2016, Hawthorne relented.
“That was really the game changer for me,” he said.
“I had five or six sessions. Just getting everything off of my chest — it was just so helpful.”
Hawthorne began to thrive after his therapy sessions. He did so well at work, where he’s responsible for the construction, maintenance, inspection and repair of waterfront facilities with Underwater Construction Team 1, that earlier this month, he was named the Navy’s Diver of the Year for 2018.
Cmdr. Robert Hines, Navy Expeditionary Combat Command force psychologist, said embedded mental health professionals have been aggressive about reaching out to sailors and trying to eliminate the stigma around sailors seeking help with their mental health.
“Across the force, I think it is viewed much more positively now and folks are much more proactive about seeking out help, but there are certainly some individuals that have lingering misconceptions,” Hines said.
One obstacle to seeking help for some people is they think it could hurt their career. Not true, Hines said.
“The Navy in general is very pro-mental health, and certainly our admiral is a huge advocate for taking care of your own personal self care and seeking out any assistance that you might need,” he said.
Hawthorne’s boss, Chief Petty Officer Adam Perry, has known him for years and nominated him for Diver of the Year. Perry said he could tell Hawthorne was “extremely stressed out” after his son was born. He helped accommodate all the hospital visits and said Hawthorne’s work never dropped off.
“He’s always been that guy I could rely on anytime,” Perry said. “If I’m ever in a sketchy situation, he’s the first one I go to ask, ‘ Hey, what do you think about this?’”
Part of what makes Hawthorne special, Perry said, is that he keeps a positive attitude even when things get hard.
“People do have to deal with their own personal problems and the team, but Hawthorne’s was unique,” he said. “I’ve always asked myself how I would I react with my wife and my family if we had a special needs child, and to be honest, I don’t know if I would be able to deal with it. … I don’t know how he does it. He’s doing it in a remarkable way.”
Declan had his last major surgery in 2018 and still requires extensive care. He has an overnight nurse and regular therapy appointments. He’s nonverbal, but his parents say he lights up a room. He’s a happy child who loves to play with toys that light up, jump on trampolines, watch “The Boss Baby” on Netflix and is a huge sports fan.
Both children bring them joy. Erin says caring for Declan is just like caring for any other child, it just takes some more work.
The Hawthornes say they’re grateful for the medical and personal support they’ve gotten from the Navy. In some ways, they say, they’re lucky to have had Declan here where there are so many services available to them, such as getting a caretaker for a few hours so they can do everyday things like yard work or have an occasional date night.
But more family support will soon be available, too. The Hawthornes will move later this year to Mississippi, where Erin’s family is from and where she first met Joe while he was stationed there. He plans to stay in the Navy as long as he can.
The Hawthornes want to have at least one more child, in part, to help share the responsibilities Ellie will have caring for her brother after her parents are gone.
It’s the same large, loving family they always dreamed of having when they first fell in love a decade ago. Sure, it’s a little different than they planned. But they know they can make it work.