HAMPTON ROADS LIVING
Hampton Roads is a funny place. Interstate 64 East goes south — and then west. Things aren’t said the way they’re spelled: Gloucester, Norfolk, Portsmouth. An inch of snow throws the entire area into chaos.
There’s a funny email that circulated around Hampton Roads years ago, a take on Jeff Foxworthy’s famous “You know you’re a redneck if ...” The joke starts, “You know you live in ‘The 757’ when ...” It was apparently originated by a gentleman named Ben Kennedy and his friends. Local media picked up on it and began polling readers for more suggestions. Here are some of those ideas — from the original email, from readers and from us.
You know you live in “The 757” when:
1. You don’t get startled when military aircraft fly overhead.
2. If you close your eyes and focus, you can still taste fried chicken from Farm Fresh. And smell it, too.
3. You know why that big tree on the Hampton University campus is called the Emancipation Oak.
4. Any eastbound trip you’ve ever made involves at least one tunnel.
5. You know every joke that University of Virginia grads tell about Virginia Tech grads.
6. You know every joke that Virginia Tech grads tell about University of Virginia grads, too.
7. You know who Christopher Newport was and, if you’ve been here long enough, you know why that statue of him is anatomically incorrect. (No, it’s not a dirty joke.)
8. You’ve seen The Lady in White on the grounds of Fort Monroe. For real. 9. You know which town has the big oys- ter festival, as opposed to which one has the big peanut festival.
10. You call 3 inches of snow “a blizzard.”
11. You know that NASA started here. Yeah, the space program NASA.
12. You know which roller coaster Fabio was riding at Busch Gardens when he got hit in the face by a wayward goose.
13. You know that Pharrell’s “Happy” should be declared the official state song of Virginia.
14. You can point to the exact spot in Hampton where the severed head of the pirate Blackbeard was displayed.
15. You know where The Burgermeister used to sing and dance.
16. You don’t think twice when the customer behind you at the gas station is in military fatigues.
17. You can sing at least one song by Bill Deal and the Rhondels.
18. You have visited at least one church that dates to the 17th century.
19. You have seen the world’s oldest ham at the Isle of Wight County Museum.
20. You know why Jefferson Davis spent two years here following the Civil War.
21. You know, based on day of the week and time of day, whether you need to take the Hampton Roads Bridge-Tunnel, the Monitor-Merrimac or the James River Bridge to get from here to there.
22. You know where Gen. Douglas MacArthur is buried.
23. You know that Bobby “Blackhat” Walters feels your pain when he sings “HRBT Blues.”
24. You know that the Great Dismal Swamp isn’t all that dismal.
25. You can tell when a Navy ship comes home by how crowded the stores are.
26. You’ve visited all three points of the Historic Triangle.
27. You don’t just know Interstate 64 — you also know 264, 464, 564, 664 and for good measure, the Route 164 Western Freeway.
28. You know which rock band refers to the Hampton Coliseum as its Mothership.
29. You recognized JoAnn Falletta in that Macy’s commercial.
30. You know which U.S. president lived at the Sherwood Forest plantation.
31. You know where Grammy-winning musician Bruce Hornsby played high school basketball.
32. You don’t confuse the Mattaponi with the Pamunkey.
33. You can instantly taste the difference between blue crab and any of those other, lesser shellfish.
34. You know the difference between a drawbridge (such as the JRB) and a swing bridge (such as the Coleman).
35. The Civil War and Revolutionary War both passed through your front yard or backyard.
36. You know where the carousel used to be at Buckroe Beach (and you know where it is now).
37. You know where the gigantic heads of all the presidents used to be (though you might not know where they are now).
38. You instantly recognize that one vendor who sells beer and other refreshments at every sporting event on the Peninsula and South Hampton Roads. (Tip him well. The man works hard.)
39. You’ve seen The Fat Doctor perform at Cozzy’s Comedy Club.
40. You know where to find the gun turret from the USS Monitor (and you can explain its significance in the history of naval warfare).