Thank-you notes still needed during the coronavirus crisis
Dear Miss Manners:
Have you thought of making an exception to the rule for mailed thank-you notes during this period, when the government wants us to be cautious about the spread of the coronavirus?
Many who embrace strict rules of etiquette are seniors. A well-timed email thank-you note exception might save lives.
Gentle reader:
Electronics have been of incalculable benefit to all who are sequestered in their homes. As difficult as the present situation is, imagine what it would be like if we were closed off from medical news and from virtual contact with relatives and friends.
But congratulations on a novel excuse for not writing letters. Miss Manners has received countless such excuses, but yours is the first to declare it a health risk.
She would like to see authoritative public health statistics indicating that paper mail is so lethal that lives would be saved if it ceased. Should that be true, it would surely apply also to the home deliveries that have become a crucial substitute for going out to buy necessities.
She asks you also to consider the psychological toll of social distancing: loneliness for some, overcrowding for others — and for all, the sudden lack of connectedness when the human touch ceases.
Handwritten letters may seem anachronistic when so many other forms of communication are available, but they are more personal. For most messages, ease and speed make electronic methods preferable. But when expressing deep emotion, such as gratitude and condolences, the labor of writing with one’s own hand shows that thought and care were considered even more important.
Try to imagine the house-bound person, whose inbox and messaging apps are crammed with advertisements, schemes and cancellations, plus bragging and complaining from hardly known people, and whose paper mail is all asking to buy or to give.
But there, too, is an envelope with the actual handwriting of someone who seems truly grateful for a present given or a favor done. It indicates that kindness is appreciated. Don’t we need some of that?
But Miss Manners is willing to make some concessions. Do not lick the envelope; use water and a sponge. And do not — repeat: not — plant a kiss on the paper.
Dear Miss Manners:
I am familiar with your rule about not pointing out other people’s rudeness, but in regard to our own personal advent of coronavirus, I wonder if you could suggest a polite way to remind others to cover their noses and mouths when sneezing, coughing or yawning.
In addition to this being an etiquette concern, it is a health concern, and there must be some way to make this point without being offensive.
Gentle reader:
Give out tissues, instead of reprimands. This would require you to carry an extra supply, but Miss Manners reminds you that it is not an expensive form of philanthropy.
Dear Miss Manners:
What are the acceptable alternatives to the handshake? I prefer the namaste.
Gentle reader:
For Miss Manners, the silver lining in this cloud that hangs over us all is the demise of meaningless hugging and kissing. It bothers her as a cheapening of demonstrations of true affection. Before the coronavirus, she heard from Gentle Readers who were worried about the ordinary health aspects of close contact — even including handshakes — with strangers.
So, the namaste, if you prefer, or just the slight bow that goes with it. But as the idea underneath is to show peaceful intentions, surely a simple smile and nod would suffice.
Dear Miss Manners:
With so much public attention focused on the spread of coronavirus, it’s a good opportunity to remind people to cough/sneeze into their sleeve, not their hand, to avoid contaminating everything they subsequently touch.
Happily, this is what kids have been taught to do in school, but for many adults, this means overcoming a long-ingrained reflexive habit we grew up with. I assure you, though, that everyone will benefit and will appreciate their thoughtfulness.
Gentle reader:
Well — as long as those who sneeze into their elbows do not also practice the popular injunction to bump elbows as a substitute for shaking hands.
To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.