Pandemic or not, this author would like copy of their article

Dear Miss Manners: A year ago, a paper of mine was chosen for publication in my college’s undergraduate research journal, but publication was postponed until the fall issue due to a “heavy workload.” I told the publication office that I was graduating in June and gave them my address so that they could send me the issue once it was published.

In early December, I asked when I should expect to receive it. The response, two days later, was that “due to leadership changes and executive decisions in between school years,” my article was postponed until the winter issue and that I would receive a copy in the mail.

In March, I received an invitation to the launch party for the winter issue, which finally includes my article. I responded that I would be unable to attend, since I already graduated and am no longer in the area. Even though they already had my address, I gave it to them again.

Then came the shelterin-place orders in my state due to the coronavirus, with college students being asked to leave campus. I know this must be a stressful time for all college students. But since responding to the invitation, I have heard no response nor received my copy in the mail.

With the pandemic going on, would it be selfish of me to ask them when I can expect my copy? I don’t want to come across as insensitive, but also feel that they have treated me quite poorly.

Gentle reader: As you are well aware, the issue was finished before the pandemic shut things down. But as you have also noticed, it now looks heartless to complain about any nonemergency work that did not get done.

Miss Manners suspects that a side effect of the pandemic will be the use of this all-purpose excuse in matters that are entirely unrelated to the crisis.

So you needn’t feel selfish about asking. But now you may encounter a real excuse: Lack of access to the office where the issues are kept. A restrained reminder would be best, asking how or when you can obtain the journal.

Dear Miss Manners: My daughter and her husband, who live in another state, are expecting their first child. We are so very excited for them.

Plans were made to hold a shower, and invitations were printed. Then the severity of the virus outbreak became clear.

My question is whether we should still send the invites but include a note indicating the shower may or may not be held virtually (we are still trying to figure out logistics). Or do we just not send them at all and cancel any shower plans? We want to be sensitive to this situation while balancing our excitement for the parents.

Gentle reader: Then do not send them, and do not send an online version. You have been spared from committing the error of throwing a shower for your own daughter.

But aside from that stiff rule, which is so commonly disobeyed, Miss Manners cannot imagine that you think this is a good time to ask others to shop for your family. Surely you understand that they have their own pressing needs and concerns.

That does not mean that others may not be happy for you, if you tell them the good news. But can’t you just tell them, with a message or a call, without setting them up to do anything in return except to offer their congratulations?

If you have already done that, you will have another opportunity to share your excitement when the baby is born and birth announcements are made. Perhaps by then, people will be able to pay the new baby a visit. Some of them might even be able to pick up some knitted bootees to take along.

Dear Miss Manners: My son is set to graduate from a preeminent university. I purchased announcements and have them all set to mail, but COVID-19 has wreaked havoc on so many people and plans.

May I still send them out, even though official commencement ceremonies are postponed? How do I address the date change?

Gentle reader: Can you peel off the stamps and reuse them?

As these are announcements, not invitations to attend the ceremony, no one will be inconvenienced by the postponement, however disappointing it is to you and your son.

If he is given a new date, you can write that in by hand, and Miss Manners trusts that everyone will immediately realize the reason.

To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners .com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.