Sister goes out to socialize, flouting stay-at-home order
I have an older sister who continues to go out to socialize. She posts photos of herself with friends on social media, despite the current need for everyone to stay home.
I tried to gently mention how we should not be going out at all if it can be helped, and she insisted it was only to see a few people, so she was fine. I am worried not only for her own safety, as she is of mature years, but also for that of her 13-yearold daughter (who has a history of pneumonia).
She lives where there is a large population of senior citizens and also where there have been less stringent preventative orders than elsewhere. How does one press such a dire subject for everyone’s safety to someone who isn’t taking the situation seriously?
Dear Miss Manners:
Etiquette cannot substitute for responsible public officials in setting health policy during a pandemic. Miss Manners does not say this to invalidate your all-too-familiar problem, but rather to acknowledge the heartbreaking results when we are forced to use the wrong tool for the job.
What she can suggest is treating the situation as you would an irresponsible health choice made by a close relative. Your sister is endangering herself, your niece and her friends: This is worth saying to her, even if you are unable to convince her.
When normalcy returns, we will just have to remember that such strong solutions are reserved for dire
Gentle reader:
and imminent threats — they are not a license to harangue passing strangers about their bad habits.
I was sitting in a government office’s waiting room and a child sneezed several times without covering her mouth. Her parents did not remind her to sneeze into a tissue or her sleeve. I was frozen between not wanting to be rude by chastising strangers and fearing that I might catch a disease, so I said nothing.
What polite thing can I say to remind people how not to spread their germs?
Dear Miss Manners:
Recent events have reminded us all of the damage that can be inflicted by infectious diseases. One can usually protect oneself by moving out of range.
But your question is: At what point do we all become public health officials, who are not only allowed, but also required, to override the etiquette dictate against correcting other people’s behavior?
In the situation you describe, it is possible for you to satisfy the requirements of both safety and etiquette: Say “Poor dear” and tell the parents that you would be happy to give little Norah a tissue.
Someone will no doubt correct Miss Manners, that public health is not to be trifled with by pausing to consider something as trivial as manners. She reminds that reader that etiquette is never more important than in trying times.
Gentle reader:
A friend calls out to you in a parking lot. Is it OK just to wave to a friend when you are in a hurry? Or do you have to stop and talk?
Dear Miss Manners:
In our current situation, you could
Gentle reader:
actually be fined for it. That excuse will not last forever, however.
When things return to normal, Miss Manners assures you that as long as you make it clear that it is your schedule, and not your affection, that is in question, it will still be acceptable to keep moving. This can be accomplished by accompanying the wave with a gesture to a (real or imagined) wristwatch and a hurried, but pleasant and apologetic, facial expression.
I don’t mind my in-laws sending group texts when planning holidays or supper, but they take it a step too far. Twice, they have group-texted myself, my husband, my brother-inlaw and his wife about the death of family members.
While this to me is disturbing by itself, the kicker is that my husband’s phone is older and doesn’t receive group texts, so it falls on me to relay the message. I have told his parents he is not receiving their messages, but they don’t seem to care.
Am I out of place for thinking they could relay the message to their two sons by phone?
Dear Miss Manners:
Miss Manners recommends you tell them so in person or over the phone. “You know, Austin doesn’t get your texts, and I don’t feel comfortable relaying sensitive family information secondhand. I wonder if you could call us when something like Nana Mary’s health is in jeopardy. The angel emoji followed by the ‘zzzz’ sign was particularly confusing.”
Gentle reader:
To send a question to the Miss Manners team of Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin, go to missmanners.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.