We recast old rituals to fit these isolating times
On my aunt’s 97th birthday, I drove to the nearby retirement community where she has lived for the past five years. Our celebration would be different this year. After dropping off a birthday cake, presents and flowers at the front entrance, my husband and I walked around the building and stood outside her window to sing “Happy Birthday” through our masks. Though her vision and hearing are impaired, she engaged with us remarkably well. She reported that she had never experienced anything quite like this pandemic in her life. This was certainly a first for us all.
Birthday celebrations are among the many family rituals that have been turned upside down these past few months. People are finding new ways to mark this special occasion, whether a drive-by parade, signs decorating front yards or visits with loved ones through windows. We are all learning to redesign time-honored practices that have marked celebrations for centuries. During May and June, many graduations, weddings, funerals and religious services will continue to take new shape and form.
I have been thinking about the many ways we have redesigned rituals so that we can celebrate while still maintaining health and safety during this pandemic.
Being able to continue with our shared rituals during a pandemic can be calming and can appeal to the reptilian part of our brain that craves repetition and structure as well as to
Faith and
Values the limbic or emotional part of the brain that appreciates the value of metaphors and symbols. We need rituals to help us process strong emotions and find meaning in our important life transitions.
In the book “Rituals in Families and Family Therapy,” Evan Imber-Black, a licensed marriage and family therapist, groups rituals into five major themes, which I believe are important to the faith community. These themes are membership rituals, such as special ceremonies after a baby’s birth; healing rituals, such as the comfort of a memorial service or funeral; identity rituals, such as a wedding, baptism, or bar or bat mitvah, where identity is defined or redefined; belief expression, such as collective litanies, songs and prayers that allow for the group to give voice to their heartfelt convictions; and celebration rituals that exist in individual families and the culture as a whole, such as Passover or Easter.
So what happens when these gatherings become difficult or impossible? How do we find new ways of engaging in rituals that help us pause and shift our focus to a unique moment in time?
In the liturgical year, today is Pentecost Sunday. Celebrated on the 50th day after Easter, Pentecost is regarded as the birthday of the Christian church and the start of the church’s mission to the world. Traditional celebrations of Pentecost may include the reading of Scripture in different languages, singing of hymns, celebration of baptisms, and prayers of thanksgiving for the Holy Spirit. In some churches, children celebrate by eating birthday cake and drawing symbols of Pentecost, such as doves or flames.
If the first Pentecost were today, I am not sure that the 120 followers would be able to gather in one place. If they were together, they would probably be outdoors or sitting in their cars in a parking lot or meeting in a well-ventilated building with a capacity at least double the size of those in attendance. They would all be wearing masks and keeping a physical distance of at least 6 feet. Perhaps they would meet virtually, by way of video conferencing with St. Peter preaching in speaker view.
Pentecost Sunday will be different this year. Like many social rituals, our celebration will still include some of the same elements as previous years. I encouraged my Sunday school class to wear red to our virtual class on Pentecost. Maybe we will light a candle in our homes or bake a birthday cake to share with our children. The Scripture from the book of Acts will be read in our recorded worship service, and we will hear a meaningful sermon. We won’t be together in the same way, but we will continue to celebrate God’s presence with us on this journey no matter what barriers stand in our way.
My aunt’s birthday celebration, too, had some of the same elements as previous years. We sang to her, watched her open her presents, and visited with her. It was not until I was getting ready to leave that I realized that I could not give her a hug to say goodbye. The nurse who was with her in the room spontaneously wrapped her arms around her and gave her a squeeze for me. Love knows no barriers.
The Rev. Becky Evans Glass is executive director of the Peninsula Pastoral Counseling Center in Newport News. She can be reached at beglass @peninsulapastoral.org.