Should I stay in lives of ex’s kids?

Q. My ex and I are both in our 60s. We were together for12 years. I caught him in a lie (not cheating) and he has ghosted me as a result. He has two young grandchildren, ages1and 3. I was involved in their lives and he insisted I be included as a true grandparent. I have examined my motives and I would like to send the children a card and $50 for their birthdays — no Christmas moving forward. I don’t anticipate we will get back together, and no, the parents of these grandchildren have not reached out to me. What’s good ex-etiquette?

A. You say your ex is ghosting you, which implies you were not married or living together because if you had been, you would simply talk it through after an argument, not text. Therefore, if you were not married or living together, I question how involved you got with the kids.

You’ve said you have examined your motives but still want to send these children $50 each year for their birthday. I would suggest you examine your motives again.

My answer might be different if the children were older and you had cultivated a relationship with them. But the relationship you describe has barely had the opportunity to flourish, and if you really see no possibility of a reconciliation, why would you reinforce continued involvement with children you will never spend time with? Each birthday they will receive a gift of $50 from someone they don’t know. Yes, each year that gesture may prompt a conversation of “years ago grandpa dated this woman who sends you $50 for your birthday,” but what’s the point?

You are saying you want to send money to children you barely know without the reinforcement of their parents. It doesn’t sound like good exetiquette to me.